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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Feb 2020 at 5:33am
Scientists discover new planet 300 light years from Earth, have named it "Beer";  Large, possibly watery, planet is same color as a glass full of draft beer, even has 'froth' at both poles;  Deep space expedition being planned
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Feb 2020 at 6:40am
Bloomberg makes showing at Democrat debate;  Would have been more prominent, but nobody could find phone books he could stand on, as they aren't made anymore


bloomberg 20200217 03.jpg


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Feb 2020 at 5:20am
New danger in Florida as Spring approaches;  Warm weather bringing out massive snake orgies, monty pythons most to be feared


https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-snake-orgy-forces-park-closure
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Feb 2020 at 6:02am
Rezoning fight against funeral home as it tries to expand;  "The cemetery is located in the middle of our neighborhood, there's going to be an increase in traffic" said one resident

['stolen' from a real story...  ]
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Feb 2020 at 5:21am
Rare medical condition allows woman to ferment alcohol in her bladder;  So far, no volunteers for taste test


https://www.sciencealert.com/doctors-report-the-first-known-case-of-a-woman-who-urinates-alcohol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Feb 2020 at 5:52am
Game show hosts found to be the best liars;  The ability to feign enthusiasm for a contestant they detest and really wish will lose is a highly developed skill, say researchers
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Mar 2020 at 5:51am
Due to Leap Year, National Streaking Day to fall on April 1st this year;  "Participants still have plenty of time to plan their routes and set up clothing stashes" say organizers
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Mar 2020 at 6:04am
Chris Matthews suprises MSNBC by "retiring" live on air, citing #MeToo style allegations about his behavior;  Rumors of sharing two hookers on a helicopter flight "probably not true"

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Mar 2020 at 5:59am
Bloomberg wins Democrat primary in Samoa!  Billionaire bought the islands just last week, expects to acquire Rhode Island soon as well
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2020 at 5:51am
Legal experts say your sex robot could sexually assault you, and get away with the crime;  Even more alarming, you could be the one arrested for #MeToo allegations of non-consensual sex


https://brasspills.com/expert-fears-future-sex-robots-will-engage-in-sexual-assault/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Mar 2020 at 5:55am
Slow news night, or shameless ratings grab?  TV networks trying to cash in by exaggerating Corona virus "You're all gonna die!" panic
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2020 at 4:23am
Local stores selling hand sanitizer at 80 bucks a bottle?  Learn how to make your own using bleach and sex lube in our "Corona Virus Tips" feature that airs after your Local Weather coverage!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Mar 2020 at 4:26am
Corona virus now infecting through computers;  Users warned to not get too close to their computer monitors or smart phones while talking to other, possibly infected, people on their screens;  Risk of getting infected through your TV from all the coverage also high
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2020 at 4:45am
Due to Corona virus panic, NCAA to hold March Madness basketball games without fans in the stands;  But, say officials, it's not like anybody attended the games anyways
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Mar 2020 at 5:28am
UPDATE!  NBA cancels basketball season;  Vendors selling $12 beer and $6 bags of peanuts hardest hit
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Mar 2020 at 7:18am
Wuhan Virus Update:  Massive runs on buying guns & ammo after toilet paper supply sells out;  Also, largest baby boom in history expected 9 months from now due to stay-at-home orders



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Mar 2020 at 4:37am
The Run on Toilet Paper Explained:  Toilet paper has some of the same filtering abilities as the higher quality air filter masks;  Experts warn, however, not to duct tape TP to your face
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Mar 2020 at 4:10am
Disney confirms:  Sneezy the Dwarf is out;  Long-time Snow White character let go due to Coronavirus concerns, possible contagion threat to guests
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Mar 2020 at 5:08am
FaceBook and Twitter to enact "social distancing" rules;  "Posters should maintain at least 6 feet of separation from other posts to reduce the chances of virus exposure"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2020 at 5:35am
US gov't officials issue Corona virus warning:  If a person in a HazMat suit wants to check your temperature with a rectal thermometer, they are NOT from the CDC
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Mar 2020 at 4:41am
Due to Corona virus fears, Purge Day has been canceled this year;  Americans still sheltering-in-place though, as it makes good practice
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Mar 2020 at 6:05am
Marijuana businesses still in operation during virus pandemic, having been deemed “essential services” that must remain open;  However, many people taking up indoor gardening while being forced to stay home -wink wink-
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Mar 2020 at 6:08am
Positive side to virus pandemic discovered:  Telemarketer calls down 90% due to closing of call centers;  However, tech support & help lines have also closed down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2020 at 5:38am
Pandemic forcing millions to fend for themselves;  Desperate for sustenance, quarantiners who are unable to cook are relying on microwavable macaroni and little cans of cat food
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Apr 2020 at 5:54am
World Health Organization urging people to wear clean underwear;  During a pandemic emergency, they can be worn as a face mask

also, pun alert:

https://nypost.com/2020/04/01/massive-blaze-wipes-out-load-of-toilet-paper-in-texas/
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