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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Aug 2018 at 5:37am
UCF-led observatory gets grant that could boost hunt for aliens;  ICE replies "We appreciate that very much!  Every little bit helps our efforts!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Aug 2018 at 5:58am
Census results find that Canadians' career futures are bleak;  Most either find work as extras on American-made TV shows or are used for medical testing 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Aug 2018 at 6:11am
The word "vagina" deemed too "triggering" and discriminating for Trans people without actual vaginas;  Trans activists now want women to call their vajayjays "the front hole"


https://pjmedia.com/trending/move-over-vagina-make-room-for-trans-inclusive-front-hole/

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Aug 2018 at 6:13am
Nabisco to release their animal crackers from cages;  Changes made due to theatened bad PR from chronically shiftless PETA activists


https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/aug/21/nabisco-caves-peta-pressure-frees-animal-crackers-/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Aug 2018 at 5:30am
Feeling strangely out of sorts on some days?  Identity thieves can not only steal your personal information, they can also change your gender

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Aug 2018 at 5:44am
Waterbed industry going down the drain;  Fear of drowning puts most people off purchase
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Aug 2018 at 5:27am
Pope starting to suspect he may be the Anti-Christ;  Satan opines "You're making a good effort, but you still have quite a ways to go yet"

https://babylonbee.com/news/pope-starting-to-suspect-he-might-be-antichrist/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Aug 2018 at 5:35am
Jeffrey Toobin: "Antifa is widely perceived as an African-American organization.";  Fact checkers:  "Antifa is mostly white people wearing black clothes and masks.  That's not their skin color!"


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Aug 2018 at 5:28am
The link text says it all.  And remember, this is Summer... 


http://tammybruce.com/2018/08/arctic-expedition-to-raise-awareness-of-global-warming-evacuated-due-to-excessive-ice.html
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Sep 2018 at 5:31am
Groundhog predictions found to be more accurate than climate models;  Florida groundhogs also exceptional at predicting hurricanes
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Sep 2018 at 5:32am
Common Core sex ed fail reported;  Lesbian teens getting pregnant at twice the rate of their peers
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Sep 2018 at 5:30am
New Zealand pledging to wipe out all invasive mammals by 2050;  NZ gov't estimates it will only take 3 years to get rid of all the humans, but is expecting most to leave before then


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Sep 2018 at 5:20am
Nike names Colin Kaepernick as new spokesperson;  Nike marketing department also says that "wearing Nike shoes increases your chances of getting away when running from the police"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Sep 2018 at 5:27am
Survey finds that most believe that people who wear moustaches "have something to hide";  Also, that people with beards "are overcompensating for a lack of something"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Sep 2018 at 5:47am
Revealed:  The Secret Wonder Food that can change your life and even make you look younger!  Eating two bags of pork rinds can heal your skin problems, and even reduce wrinkles!



Disclaimer:  These claims have not been verified or approved by the FDA
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Sep 2018 at 5:56am
It's After Labor Day Weekend, Now What Will You Wear?  Fashion experts say to don short shorts and wifebeater T's before the cold weather sets in
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2018 at 6:39am
Due to the recent new changes in the Miss America Pageant, the contest will be moving to radio;  Organizers say, however, that the bikini contest will be back, as well as an all nude modelling competition
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 6:21am
Breaking News: Florence now contains sharks;  New reports from NOAA aircraft show that sharks have been lifted into the hurricane, which will drop them as it makes landfall
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2018 at 6:34am
Research dating back as far as 1979 shows that adolescent male residents of the Juneau Receiving Home tend to uranate behind the outdoor dipsty-dumpster more than into the toilets inside the structure; additionally they're also inclined to step in glass from hundreds of broken light bulbs left behind the same dumpster by two particular ex-residents.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Sep 2018 at 6:26am
Bothered by ghosts?   Ghost hunters can show you 4 different ways to use a vacuum cleaner to suck them right out of your house, just like in Ghostbusters!  Story at 11!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2018 at 5:08am
Residents of Florida urged to evacuate, not because of hurricane, but just because it's Florida;  Happily, most of them can Censoreding go back to the Censoreding states they came from, say native Floridians


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Sep 2018 at 6:29am
In an effort to deter sex predators, colleges and universities are recommending that Very Intoxicated Females wear a Chastity Belt;  The more advanced of these devices can be unlocked with a security app, and even come in thong versions
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Sep 2018 at 6:12am
International agreement reached to phase out caps lock from keyboards by 2020;  Concensus is that typing in all caps "is just rude" and hardly ever an accident
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Sep 2018 at 6:42am
NYC Transit Authority finds solutions to subway overcrowding and bad service:  Too many people are using the subway, so they should walk instead, as "the exercise would do them some good"


https://www.wsj.com/articles/new-york-citys-subways-are-slow-crowded-and-smellyofficials-say-the-real-problem-is-you-1537544194
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Sep 2018 at 5:28am
Another "Careful What You Say!" warning issued:  Calling out "Say cheese!" when taking photos of those who are lactose intolerant may cause them intestinal distress
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