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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 May 2017 at 5:05am
Vaccine supplies short as "Kung Flu" virus continues spreading;  Researchers report the strain is so virulent, it "will kick you in the face and knock you flat on your ass"
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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 May 2017 at 5:03am
Abracadavera!  Body-snatching magician escapes custody after being caught making corpses "vanish" from morgue
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regulus View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote regulus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 May 2017 at 5:44pm
World to end at 10:00, News at 11:00
A recent poll says all the bad boys and girls would prefer getting lumps of coal from Santa Claus instead of a Pay-TV subscription!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 May 2017 at 5:58am
Teletubbies shot dead by police!  While reaching for the controls on their TV stomachs, police opened fire, believing they were about to set off bomb vests
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 May 2017 at 5:29am
TSA being careful and doing it's job (because it might have been loaded):
 
Quote What is this?
"Do you need to know or do you want to know?" said Cohn.
I'm curious, she replied.
"It's a 3-D print-out of an adult mouse penis."
A what?
"A 3-D print-out of an adult mouse penis."
Oh no it isn't.
"It is."
The officer called over three of her colleagues and asked them to guess what it is. No one said anything, so Cohn told them. They fell apart laughing.
 

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/that-time-the-tsa-found-a-scientists-3d-printed-mouse-penis/527673/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 May 2017 at 5:26am
Wearing a fur coat made of rat pelts can be dangerous to your health;  Animals like cats, dogs, and pythons often instinctively attack what they perceive as a mass of tasty vermin
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 May 2017 at 5:14am
In a survey, adults were more likely to think potatoes were 'yucky' than pre-schoolers, after finding out they were grown in dirt.  With worms
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 May 2017 at 5:30am
Popular squirrel resembling Abraham Lincoln assassinated;  'Fearless Girl' Wall Street statue gets naughty pug companion
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2017 at 5:37am
Trump not upset by Kathy Griffin's stunt, instead tweets: "Why is Kathy Griffin holding up the severed head of Alec Baldwin?"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jun 2017 at 5:14am
Unwanted pregnancy prevented;  Trump pulls USA out of Paris Climate Accords early
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jun 2017 at 5:08am
San Francisco to ban robots to prevent loss of $15/hour minimum wage jobs;  However, 'undocumented' robots will still be able to work for much less due to 'sanctuary city' status
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jun 2017 at 4:41am
Longevity study finds that Danes live about a year and a half longer than anybody else;  However, they are miserable and bored during that time
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Jun 2017 at 4:53am
Mystery of why a camera adds 10 pounds to a picture remains unsolved;  Photographers still unable to take pictures of weight scales reading zero
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jun 2017 at 5:09am
The EU Report:  Denmark still unhappy as they spend another day miserable and bored
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jun 2017 at 5:05am
In Financial News:  Popular financial seminar continues to sell out, even at $40 per person to attend;  People thrilled to learn how to get rich by simply saving their money
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jun 2017 at 5:18am
Tonight, PaW made the world a better place by making paste out of two cockroaches he found procreating on the kitchen floor.
No joke - he got them on the down-stroke with just one poke.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jun 2017 at 4:45am
Couples using Chess to improve their marriage;  Playing the game erotically usually ends in a mate
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jun 2017 at 5:27am
Originally posted by MrTim MrTim wrote:

Couples using Chess to improve their marriage;  Playing the game erotically usually ends in a mate and new, more challenging contestants
Big smileClapFixed it for you! You're welcome, MrTWink
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jun 2017 at 5:10am
Missing minutes of Comey's Senate testimony recovered:  Senators asked "Mr. Comey, can you show us on this doll where the President touched you?" (more at link)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2017 at 5:39am
U.N.'s desperate plea for funding goes unheeded;  Only a third of $6.1 billion goal for humanitarian aid reached, reducing administrators' and recipients' expected large embezzlement of cash to "disappointing levels"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Jun 2017 at 4:54am

Punishment fits the crime:  Man robs bank, hoping to be put in jail far away from his wife, instead gets sentenced to house arrest

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 2017 at 4:59am
Two-thirds of the people who tune in to the Candy Crush game show get bored while watching and instead play the original game on their cell phones;  Other third watches porn or cat videos
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Jun 2017 at 4:24am
Smartphone addiction may be impossible to break;  Millions obsessed 24/7 with following monkeys trained to randomly text "because they may eventually say something interesting"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jun 2017 at 4:43am
City-wide typo error changes city of Orlando's name to Rolando;  Mayor says "It's cheaper to just change the name than what it will cost to reprint everything correctly.  Besides, people love it!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2017 at 5:18am
Vision study shows that people gradually lose their eyesight as they read long sentences.
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