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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Mar 2016 at 4:40am
Uber rolls out new bicycle ride-sharing program;  For an extra fee, you will be allowed to ride on the handlebars
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Mar 2016 at 2:59am
Sushi gourmets declare that assfish is a delicacy as exquisite as it is rare and expensive;  Connoisseurs say to beware of substitutes "which really do taste like ass"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Mar 2016 at 4:34am
College students faking their own deaths to escape student loan debt;  Most fail, however, because they can't stay away from social media
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Mar 2016 at 4:02am
Seasonal Global Climate Change occurring again;  Indoor dwellers alarmed by bloomy flowers and strange flying animals that chirp
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Mar 2016 at 4:54am
Man arrested for not returning rented VHS Tom Green movie 14 years ago;  Overdue charges are large enough to fund the movie's sequel
 
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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Mar 2016 at 4:45am
Easter Bunny trampled to death;  Parents bum-rush Easter egg hunt, steal candy from and attack children
 

http://fox6now.com/2016/03/27/it-was-like-locusts-overzealous-adults-ruin-easter-egg-hunt-kids-left-sobbing-with-broken-baskets/

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Mar 2016 at 4:37am
"Running a clean race" takes on a literal meaning:  Marathon goes terribly wrong as runners mistake free soap for energy bars
 
Dead

http://moelane.com/2016/03/28/tweet-of-the-day-and-you-thought-you-had-an-unpleasant-surprise-edition/

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Mar 2016 at 5:08am
Due to a "Leap Year" miscalculation, March 31st has been canceled;  April 1st will now be moved up to this Friday
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2016 at 5:24am

Study says that people who continully point out typoes are in fact 'jerks';  Such people also have apoplectic stroakes when reading Geoffrey Chaucer bookes

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i8acannibal View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote i8acannibal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Apr 2016 at 1:27pm
LOL
Say something clever here...

No, I'm too lazy. Imagine it yourself.
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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Apr 2016 at 5:17am
Global warming alarmists predicting 6 foot sea rise soon;  Panicked parents rushing to have gills implanted in their kids
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Apr 2016 at 4:48am
ABC announces their latest celebrity reality show, Pole Dancing with the Stars;  Christopher Walken to be among the first contestants, audience can also participate by slipping cash into stars' clothing
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Apr 2016 at 5:38am

The Haunted House in Disneyland Paris may now actually be haunted;  Worker's body found, mysterious teeth marks found on nearby croissants

http://www.wtsp.com/news/weird/workers-body-found-in-disneyland-paris-haunted-house/119977587

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Apr 2016 at 5:14am
FaceBook declining because people aren't posting enough;  Younger generations also dumping it because "FaceBook is for old people"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote i8acannibal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Apr 2016 at 5:20am
If only that was the start of the social media downfall.... No more selfies, belfies, or any other narcissistic bullsh*t. 
Say something clever here...

No, I'm too lazy. Imagine it yourself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Apr 2016 at 5:40am

It's the start of the fall of FaceBook, anyway (I've never bothered to get an account on it.)  Apparently the less posting is cutting into their revenue because the bots can't mine it to target ads:

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-04-07/facebook-said-to-face-decline-in-people-posting-personal-content

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Apr 2016 at 4:14am
Study shows that there is now a minimal chance of developing brain cancer from cell phone radiation;  However, today's cell phones are much more powerful and can cause your head to instantly explode like a popcorn kernal
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Apr 2016 at 4:37am
Could your cat's poop be making you homicidal?  We'll give you the answer, right after this quick commercial break!
 

http://news.health.com/2016/03/24/could-germ-from-cat-poop-trigger-rage-disorder-in-people/

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Apr 2016 at 5:07am

DePaul University bans chalk, because it could be used to write "Trump 2016" on the sidewalk;  Students now perplexed because Profs can't write on chalkboards anymore

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Apr 2016 at 6:03am
Colleges and universities feeling overwhelmed by whining, tantrum-throwing crybabies;  Many considering hiring The Nanny to discipline some common sense into their students
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Apr 2016 at 6:18am
Police  in downtown Juneau searching for madman who's habitually clogging bar toilets with large wads of paper towels. He's being dubbed, "Docta Clogga."
 
 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Apr 2016 at 5:15am
Interrogators say waterboarding is out;  Sleep deprivation and being forced to watch Adam Sandler films "is much more effective"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Apr 2016 at 5:06am
Pro golfers getting ticked off at new trend among spectators:  One-third pay to come to event, but then spend their time looking at cell phones instead of live action
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Apr 2016 at 5:16am
Unknowing Millenials being fooled by CD's and downloads of 'tape hiss' ;  Most believe they are buying New Age music or background noise for meditation
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2016 at 5:28am

Curt Schilling fired from ESPN for "unacceptable conduct";  ESPN to start advertising tampons in bid to "get in touch with our new, more feminine, side"

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