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Susan Powter's Give Me Five

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Angry McPisseron View Drop Down
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    Posted: 07 Aug 2013 at 4:50pm
SUSAN POWTER'S GIVE ME FIVE
Oh no!!! What IS that thing?!?

I have one word for this piece of late-night TV dumpster fodder: FOOOOOO-LUUUUSSSHHHH!!!
Susan Powter, the androgynous-looking talk show host & diet guru, has set the bar to a new low with her entry into the world of late-night television. Her program, "Susan Powter's Give Me Five," begins with some "live" shots outside the Paramount Theatre in Seattle. After the first opening seconds, most of the remainder of this piece of TV idiocy takes place inside the theatre.

Susan Powter is one of the most annoying people I have ever seen on an infomercial. She comes through the curtain like an amphetamine junkie who just scored & shot up the best sh!t in town. 
The show is called "Give Me Five." Give me five what? Five airsickness bags? Five enemas??
This infomercial seems more like a stern 25-minute lecture than an informative, entertaining television program.
It's any wonder that Quantum made any money at all on this white elephant.

The poop on 'Give Me Five':
First off, what's WRONG with this woman? She spends half her time stooped over like she's about to ralf in the toilet.
Its as though she's become an anorexic, and they filmed the program right after she ate her entire birthday cake and five or six packs of jumbo hot dogs.
The rest of the time, she's jumping wildly around like she OD'd on Ritalin. Anybody who watches this program at night doesn't stand a prayer of ever getting back to sleep before the sun comes up and their Mr. Coffee springs to life. Not when they've spent their quality sleeping time watching Powter madly racing back and forth like a rat in a cage.

The ThingAnd what is that THING that she has plastered all over the place? You know, that THING that looks like a bunch of exclamation points missing most of their dots. That THING is just plain idiotic. You can't help but noticing that THING everywhere! It's like when you come across a rotten potato - you KNOW it reeks, but you feel almost instinctively compelled to sniff & snuffle at the damn thing several times before you finally throw it away.
Everytime you see that THING on the screen, your eyes somehow become forced to stare at it. Man, what an awful feeling. If this isn't some kind of subliminal trick, I don't know what is.

Her demonstration of how slim she became is not meant for daytime TV - which, in many markets, this program aired most frequently. She PULLS HER PANTIES DOWN almost far enough to expose her genitalia. YUCK!
I'd rather watch a commercial for disposable enemas, douches, garbage disposal sanitizer, or adult diapers; than to have to witness THIS.

The post-production people on this show went a little overboard with their sound effects console. All sorts of whooshing, banging, and dinging noises punctuate this asinine, immature piece of work and just drive you up the wall before the show's halfway through.

Speaking of poor post work, when her "Summer Special" began to air, the production was just horrid. Audio effects - of which they have too many in the first place, are now WAY out of sync with the visuals. They're not "off" by a few milliseconds - or even a second or two. I mean they're WAY off, in some cases, by minutes! Its as if their post production guy smoked too much pot, huffed aerosol spray paint, and shot up a little crank to top his day off; and then got behind his console. Never in my whole life have I seen production this foul and unprofessional. None of the computer-generated graphics are in sync with the asinine sound effects that should be associated with them. Not even cable access shows are this bad; where most of the shows there are made with $400 camcorders and a Commodore 64.

If I ran things around there, I'd have a look into their post production crews' dressing room. There's a fair chance I'd come up with crack stems on the floor, empty cans of gold spray paint in the corner, paint-soaked socks & handkerchiefs in the wastebasket, and a few empty 40's of "Olde English 800" malt liquor shoved behind the toilet.

Susan Powter's Give Me Five is one of the worst, if not THE WORST, infomercial ever produced. It makes the Metrinch infomercial look like a five-time Academy Award winner in comparison. Her overpriced books & tapes have absolutely NO appeal, and her horrid presentation of them should cost somebody their job. 

The best part of this program occurs at the very end: when the Quantum Homewares logo dominates the screen, and the voice-over says, "The program you have seen was a paid advertisement for Susan Powter's Give Me Five. You can always turn here for for quality products that enhance the quality of your life. Quantum Television: Choose wisely, live well."

If you really want to "live well", you'll "choose wisely" and WON'T watch "Give Me Five." I won't.

My rating: A pair of fingers flipping the bird! 

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Ken 1802 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ken 1802 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Aug 2013 at 6:15pm
Susan Powter is still active? :O I remembered thinking she was kind of old when I was around 8, and that was 23 years ago! :o
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bwestfall Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Aug 2013 at 9:39pm
Susan Powter is still ALIVE?  She popped up in news a while back and she was a complete mess!
A new study finds that people who are chipper & happy live longer. Which is surprising because people who aren't chipper & happy want to kill people who are always chipper & happy. David Letterman
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Aug 2013 at 4:18am
I'm surprised you didn't High One her a bird instead of toilet brushes....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Aug 2013 at 4:35am
Originally posted by MrTim MrTim wrote:

I'm surprised you didn't High One her a bird instead of toilet brushes....
 
I'm not certain what that means...does it mean that I should award that infomercial a middle finger instead of a busted bowl brush?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Aug 2013 at 5:04am
Yes...?  LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Aug 2013 at 5:59am
Done and done!!! LOLBig smileLOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Aug 2013 at 4:00am
Clap !!!
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