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Progressive Insurance talking box

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MrCleveland View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrCleveland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Mar 2015 at 6:50pm
I saw the commercial and If I was MsCleveland and was one of the ladies on the commercial...I'd throw the box off a cliff and hear it scream, then...no matter...I'd take Flo and throw her out the window too!
Thank God for kids who love Obscure Things.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote i8acannibal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Mar 2015 at 10:00pm
I just saw this ad twice in a row. f**k the bachelor/bachelorette show and f**k progressive and their stupid box. To the shredder with you, you goddamn box! And then burn baby, burn!!
'In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus to contribute something to solving overpopulation' - Deutsche Presse Agentur Prince Philiip (1988)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Mar 2015 at 11:53pm
From one of my phoney-bologna fake staged TV commercial mascot battles:
 
Not to be outdone by a fucking lizard, she grabs the Progressive Insurance talking box, and (while the box caterwauls, "CANNONBOX!") throws it nearly vertically into the lighting rack, nocking our little lizard friend right upside the noggin -- off the lighting rack and onto the floor! The talking box also falls, becoming visibly broken as it impacts the floor and scattering Progressive insurance paperwork in a several foot radius around the (now smashed) remains of itself. 


And from another: 
 
Just then, that asinine talking box from Progressive appears apparently out of nowhere, climbs a steel trellis of sorts (to a height of ~47 feet!), grabs a rather handily-placed man's bowling ball, waits a few seconds until the Hand is directly below, and drops the bowling ball whilst yelling, "CANNONBOOOOOXXX!!!!

The bowling ball falls with an uncharacteristic whistling noise like a WWII bomb, and the Hand looks up just in time to see it and shout in that stereotypical very low, very slowed down voice, "OOOOO NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The bowling ball smashes directly on top of that goddamn homosexual Hamburger Helper Hand, parts like intestines, liver, stomach, esophagus, kidneys, bladder, bunghole, spleen, lungs, etc. splatter all over the place, the Hand passes defecation (poo-poo) as it dies and is soon thereafter converted into worm food!!! 
 

And another:
 
ROUND ONE HUNDRED TWENTY ONE: THAT GODDAMN BISEXUAL PROGRESSIVE TALKING BOX vs. THAT GODDAMN FAGGOTY GEICO GECKO 

This battle shall take place in the kitchen (and a bit later, move to the driveway) of a pet-owning household. The kitchen is equipped with a double-bowl sink & garbage disposal, douchewasher, refrigerator, range, microwave, and numerous small TV infomercial appliances. Under the sink, there are several containers of Raid™ in aerosol bombs, a flyswatter, 47 cans of Alpo® brand dog food, and two bags of Purina® Cat Chow™ for the family cat -- which is probably pissing into in its owner's underwear drawer...AGAIN!!!...(the owner wonders why his Fruit of the Loom briefs always have yellow stains and smell like cat urine, but has yet to put 2 and 2 together). The kitchen has a moderate infestation of Stag Beetle grubs (larvae), piss ants, cockroaches, and rats; and the home in general has a light infestation of crickets, carpet beetles, click beetles, termites, grasshopper nymphs, and silverfish. 

The driveway has a 1977 Pontiac Grand Prix sporting a dull baby shit brown paint finish and with a very faulty parking brake parked in it. 

The contestants do not necessarily have to ***USE*** everything here, but they are at their disposal if needed -- or if desired.

That goddamn faggoty Geico Gecko takes first blood here, simply because he's on the scene first. He waits by the back door behind the damn unchanged catbox until that sodding Progressive talking box comes in the door. The Gecko springs out from behind its stinky hiding place, and tries to box the box's ears...but nothing happens. 

And do you know WHY nothing happened, you little green peckerhead?
It's because the Progressive Insurance talking box is a box for Satan sakes, and cardboard boxes do not have ears!!! 

That goddam bisexual Progressive Talking Box (yeah, it likes meat AND fish, hahaha!) goes on the offensive next...it rather handily swats that goddamn faggoty Geico Gecko into the damn unchanged plastic cat toliet, which causes the little green dickhead to rather loudly exclaim (in that phoney-bologna fake British accent), "PISS YOU!!! THIS REALLY FUCKING REEKS!!!"
The Gecko rapidly skitters to the bathroom, jumps into the shitbowl, and does a few laps in the toilet water before scampering back out. 

Since the Gecko is now headed out the door and into the driveway, that goddam bisexual Progressive Talking Box goes out via the kitchen window, climbs the downspout to the roof, parks its lardass above the driveway, and waits for that goddamn queer Geico Gecko...it waits...and waits a bit more...finally, it sees the Gecko coming within range. It shouts, "CANNONBOX!!!" and begins its earthward plummet, hoping to squish the Gecko like a cockroach being stepped on...It continues its drop, whistling like a timey old bomb..and ***SPLAT!!!***
Got that fucker!!!
And the winner i...O wait!!! The parking brake on that beater car fails, and the box is rather quickly crushed under the wheels of that street machine of steel!!! 

They both pass micturition (potty) and defecation (crapola) as they die, and rather rapidly become worm food

THE WINNER ROUND ONE HUNDRED TWENTY ONE: MUTUAL ANNIHILATION!!!



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tikibagger Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Mar 2015 at 2:00pm
Ya know what spectacle I would rather see than this? The members of the ad agency that thought up a rectangle with a FACE and a mispronunciation of a large co. they are working fors NAME as mascots..standing all together and telling the American public "Yes, we know how vapid and sh*tty are concepts are and how little intelligence it took to make these..but, hey GEICO PAYS us for this trash thinking its GENIUS and we CASH THE CHECKS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA"

and then a misdirected Asian plane mows them down on a crash landing
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote zippyjet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Mar 2015 at 2:38am
Originally posted by tikibagger tikibagger wrote:

Ya know what spectacle I would rather see than this? The members of the ad agency that thought up a rectangle with a FACE and a mispronunciation of a large co. they are working fors NAME as mascots..standing all together and telling the American public "Yes, we know how vapid and sh*tty are concepts are and how little intelligence it took to make these..but, hey GEICO PAYS us for this trash thinking its GENIUS and we CASH THE CHECKS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA"

and then a misdirected Asian plane mows them down on a crash landing
I like that but instead of a plane. I'm an aviation enthusiast instead let them all sink in a big sink hole that engulfs the whole hipster druggy reefer state of Colorado! Especially Denver and take Payton Manning and the Pappa John's pervy guy along for the one way ride.
I approve this message.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Anduril Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2015 at 5:58am
Originally posted by Angry McPisseron Angry McPisseron wrote:


That talking box is a huge crapweasel (a real pussywhipped piece of shiit motherphucker) that needs to be kicked in front of a burning oxy-acetylene torch!!! 


I'm thinking box cutter. (w/terrorist)
..or, just toss the little sh*t into the recycle bin.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote insanity213 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2015 at 2:38pm
Originally posted by Anduril Anduril wrote:

Originally posted by Angry McPisseron Angry McPisseron wrote:


That talking box is a huge crapweasel (a real pussywhipped piece of shiit motherphucker) that needs to be kicked in front of a burning oxy-acetylene torch!!! 


I'm thinking box cutter. (w/terrorist)
..or, just toss the little sh*t into the recycle bin.



I was thinking a trip to the zoo gone wrong, myself:


"Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Mar 2015 at 3:01pm

^LOL

A mauling is too good for that woman.
I've been seeing a new talking box commercial, can't seem to find it here today.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Mar 2015 at 1:45pm
Hah, I found this piece of sh!t, I'm sorry.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Triple J Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Feb 2016 at 1:48am
It's back... again. Now in not one, but TWO new ads... double the pain. Ouch



"There has to be a way" ... There has to be a way to get this thing into that freaking wood chipper! Evil Smile


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sgtrock21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Feb 2016 at 2:23am
Originally posted by Triple J Triple J wrote:

It's back... again. Now in not one, but TWO new ads... double the pain. Ouch

"There has to be a way" ... There has to be a way to get this thing into that freaking wood chipper! Evil Smile

My neighbors across the street were having trees trimmed today. There was an industrial grade wood chipper running off and on all day. If the box had rang my doorbell trying to sell Progressive insurance we could have been free of this idiocy!!!LOLLOLLOL 
EEEEts All so REEEdEEEculous
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ForrForr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Feb 2016 at 12:49am
BTW I'm a homosexual, but I love your rant about that Fagety Box.

That fagbox is just as bad as Casper the faggit ghost.

Burn, tear, piss on the fagbox.

Nice writing though!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Feb 2016 at 12:56am
^^^ I'm a faggot myself, but I don't mind using the "F" word ({vulgar slang term for homosexual male, begins with F and ends with T; also an archaic term for a bundle of burning sticks}) in my posts or published works (web pages). LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Feb 2016 at 1:27am
I hate the box, but damn, I do get a kick out of "GREAT CEASAR'S SALAD!" as a phrase in of itself. I think I would still chuckle at that phrase even if it wasn't the box saying it!

now I'm craving salad! Well, guess what, it worked on me!
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Grundy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Apr 2016 at 11:11pm
I hate this pretentious, arrogant box.

I want to kick it in the face whenever I see it.

Eff the Progressive Box. Flo is much better.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kelly H Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 12:31am
My take on the Insurance commercial shillers is this: I kind of picture them all in this gang - I call it the I-Gang and each shiller has a distinctive role in the I-Gang:
The I-Gang
Midas Golden Hand - the surly leader
Progressive Talking Box - the irritating ladies man and mr awesome cool
Geicko Pig - the fat one
Geicko Gecko - the smart one who also pays for everything
Flo - the hanger-on girl

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 2:45am
Originally posted by Grundy Grundy wrote:

I hate this pretentious, arrogant box.

I want to kick it in the face whenever I see it.

Eff the Progressive Box. Flo is much better.


The Box is an imbacle at least Stephanie Courtney can act.

Talking about annoying things The Box's POS song "Go Paperless" is still playing in my head. Fk!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Kelly H Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 3:04am
The Box wants everyone to go paperless - isn't that what he's made out of? Should we Recycle that arrogant Box?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 4:36am
Originally posted by Kelly H Kelly H wrote:

...Should we Recycle that arrogant Box?
Awww HELL NO!!!
That pathetic cringing little milksop should be thoroughly douched in high-octane jet fuel & napalm and have a lighted Zippo cigarette lighter tossed at it!!! DeadCryAngryCryDead
 
From one of my phoney-bologna "TV Battles" comes this:
 
Not to be outdone by a fucking lizard, she grabs the Progressive Insurance talking box, and (while the box caterwauls, "CANNONBOX!") throws it nearly vertically into the lighting rack, nocking our little lizard friend right upside the noggin -- off the lighting rack and onto the floor! The talking box also falls, becoming visibly broken as it impacts the floor and scattering Progressive insurance paperwork in a several foot radius around the (now smashed) remains of itself. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 5:00pm
Originally posted by Angry McPisseron Angry McPisseron wrote:

Originally posted by Kelly H Kelly H wrote:

...Should we Recycle that arrogant Box?

Awww HELL NO!!!
That pathetic cringing little milksop should be thoroughly douched in high-octane jet fuel & napalm and have a lighted Zippo cigarette lighter tossed at it!!! DeadCryAngryCryDead
 
From one of my phoney-bologna "TV Battles" comes this:
 
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; line-height: normal; : rgb0, 0, 16;">Not to be outdone by a fucking lizard, she grabs the Progressive Insurance talking box, and (while the box caterwauls, "</span><b style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; line-height: normal; : rgb0, 0, 16;">CANNONBOX!<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: large; line-height: normal; : rgb0, 0, 16;">") throws it nearly vertically into the lighting rack, nocking our little lizard friend right upside the noggin -- off the lighting rack and onto the floor! The talking box also falls, becoming visibly broken as it impacts the floor and scattering Progressive insurance paperwork in a several foot radius around the (now smashed) remains of itself.</span>



LOL!
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Apr 2016 at 5:06pm
I want to toss the box into a fire, ot at least light it on fire 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2016 at 7:00pm
^LOL
This topic is still active so I won't start another one.
We saw a glimpse of this in the earlier video.
BURN THE BOX!!! Angry
Originally posted by Triple J Triple J wrote:

It's back... again. Now in not one, but TWO new ads... double the pain. Ouch


 

"There has to be a way" ... There has to be a way to get this thing into that freaking wood chipper! Evil Smile


A lip sync joke? Angry
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Apr 2016 at 8:41pm
I'm so sick of that damn song! I wish it would go away! The song is garbage, it should be thrown away like one!
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crainbebo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Apr 2016 at 8:56pm
Yes, "Go Paperless" is a horrible "song." Progressive should be ashamed of themselves. More stupidity for us, more $$$ for their bigwigs. The box AND Flo should both frick themselves.
Sick and tired of Charter Spectrum (and Flo!)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote usmaak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Apr 2016 at 9:39pm
I usually get to fast forward through commercials, thanks to my shows being recorded on DVR.  Unfortunately, I'm now getting to see all of these annoying commercials a LOT while watching the NHL playoffs.  This one, and a sh*t ton of those terrible Liberty Mutual commercials (so far, no brad).  I've read about them here, but am only now beginning to see how awful they all are.

Edit: I spoke too soon.  The Brad commercial was just on.  HAPPY DANCE!!
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