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    Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 5:32pm
WARNING: The below (and, thus far, all following posts) are simply disgusting and not meant for those who are proud, decent people with high morals, scruples, and values and who also do not believe in talking through 'certain subjects' publicly. So, beside the prudes, it is probably better children avoid this thread, also. If you read any further just remember you were warned and it is all on YOU.
Confused
 
So 2:30 A.M. came and went with a late-night snack, washing dishes, then the 'sudden need to relieve'. Heck, who doesn't like dropping a load and going back to bed? Some of the best sleep to be had!
Then again, what was 'had' was unexpected, but probably deserved after a two-day diet of soup...the 'slow flow'. Comes with no expectations other than it should end soon...but noooooooooo!
2 flushed and 45 minutes later, the 'grand finale' (a pressure build-up and a 'pop' ended the show) - and I thought this was going to be a 'quicky' so I wouldn't have to force myself to stay awake on the stool.
I could barely believe it was now almost 4 A.M., but I felt like a million bucks and slept until 11 - something I never do. Now I feel like crap, nobody is on the board, and it's time for more soup.
Yea, it was an 'Unanticipated Colon Cleanse' and my most recent late night activity - so, what'd YOU do? 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 6:19pm
 
That was disgusting, Pa.  Thanks for sharing your bowel story with us.  Now, let me tell you about a middle-of-the-night bowel movement I had about 4 or 5 years ago.
 
I never have such BMs.  I always take mine right before I shower in the AM.  These days, that happens at about 4:20am, no exceptions.  Always smooth and soft.  But once, about 4 years ago, I woke up about 2am with lower abdominal pain and the intense need to take a sh*t.  Anyway, I sat down and pushed and pushed, and all that came emerged was about one fat inch of hard, rocky material.  Try as I might, I couldn't push it any further out.  I couldn't anally suck it back in either.  I kept trying to either get it out, or pull it back in and try again tomorrow, but neither was happening.  So there it was---stuck in the gate!!  And it hurt!
 
I decided I had to take drastic measures.  I reached back there and had to break pieces off.  When I got the "emerged" stuff out, I had to push the rest back in...with my fingers.
 
The next day, it was like nothing ever happened.  I took a sh*t that was all hard and rocky at one end, and smooth and soft (a type 4 on the Bristol Scale) the rest of the way. 
 
To this day, I'm still baffled by this fecal aberration.
 
 
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Otherwise, about 3:15 this am, Mal decided it was time for me to wake up.  That's fine on work days when I get up at 3:30 anyway.  But on days off, I like to sleep late---like till 4:30am.
 
Bless his little feline soul, he's really gentle about it.  He meows for awhile while I ignore him.  Then he gets his face in mine and starts gently mashing face.  Then I turn over so that he doesn't have access to my face.  That's when he gently starts tapping my head with his paws (claws in).  That usually works (and I get up and slap some food into the cats' bowls).  But if it doesn't, he starts nibbling at the back of my neck.  Then I get all turned on and we have to have sex.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 6:42pm
LOLLOL^^
Yesterday was Taco John's day, that always means an extra 'dropping of a deuce' if you will.
 
Leah got me up at 2 AM, I went back to bed, no problem.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 6:49pm
Thank you both for your 'contributions', although after reading both of Thor's posts, it sounds as if his 'relationship' with his 'boy pussy' may include 'packing the hamster'ShockedDead, after pushing Mal back in, rather than releasing him to the wild.
I thought Thor had 'indoor cats'.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 7:41pm
^ LOL
2 Title changes? Are you doing OK there PaW?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 7:50pm
Only one title change - added WARNING.
Everything came out ok, so I'm fine.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 8:11pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

That was disgusting, Pa.  Thanks for sharing your bowel story with us.  Now, let me tell you about a middle-of-the-night bowel movement I had about 4 or 5 years ago.

I never have such BMs.  I always take mine right before I shower in the AM.  These days, that happens at about 4:20am, no exceptions.  Always smooth and soft.  But once, about 4 years ago, I woke up about 2am with lower abdominal pain and the intense need to take a sh*t.  Anyway, I sat down and pushed and pushed, and all that came emerged was about one fat inch of hard, rocky material.  Try as I might, I couldn't push it any further out.  I couldn't anally suck it back in either.  I kept trying to either get it out, or pull it back in and try again tomorrow, but neither was happening.  So there it was---stuck in the gate!!  And it hurt!

I decided I had to take drastic measures.  I reached back there and had to break pieces off.  When I got the "emerged" stuff out, I had to push the rest back in...with my fingers.

The next day, it was like nothing ever happened.  I took a sh*t that was all hard and rocky at one end, and smooth and soft (a type 4 on the Bristol Scale) the rest of the way. 

To this day, I'm still baffled by this fecal aberration.


If that ever happens again, you could try squirting a little warm water up in there using a bulb/ear syringe.

It will loosen up that turgid turd and make it slip out nice and smooth.      

Plus, they're good for rinsing off your anus after a normal defecation.

Greatly cuts down on your toilet paper usage, as you only need to dab off some water when finished.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 8:21pm
^So, let me get this straight.
Let's say you have company come over to spend a few joyous days in Orlando...and maybe they develop an ear infection. Are you quick to offer up your ear syringe?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 8:50pm
Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:



If that ever happens again, you could try squirting a little warm water up in there using a bulb/ear syringe.

It will loosen up that turgid turd and make it slip out nice and smooth.      

Plus, they're good for rinsing off your anus after a normal defecation.

Greatly cuts down on your toilet paper usage, as you only need to dab off some water when finished.

 
I couldn't!  I had a big fat turd sticking out!  I couldn't get up off the toilet.  I had to deal with it from my seat on the throne.  LOL
 
 
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^This also confuses me. What part of the old Heinz commercial (Carly Simon, singing) did you not understand? Even with a ketchup bottle, one would use a butter knife to help 'loosen the load', but playing 'tuck & wait'? I don't think I could live with possibly uncontrollable 'anticipation'.
 
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As for poo related stories, I have two.

One involves the time I ate high fiber bran cereal one evening after having gorged myself on extra hot Buffalo wings at work during lunch.

My boss at the time loved hot wings. The place we got them from couldn't make them hot enough for him. He used to get an order of 150 - 200 of them delivered to the office and we'd all pig out, then suffer for the rest of the day.

One day after I got home, I got the "bright" idea to have a couple of bowls of that super high fiber cereal that looks like little sticks or twigs. The really rough stuff.

Let me just add, that I can't digest milk very well, so every time I consume it, it gives me intestinal cramps and the squirts.

Put these three things together and you have a recipe for torture!!!!

I just pray that ISIS never finds out about it!!!   

First of all... when you eat really hot food, like say, hot sauce with hot peppers mixed into it, it's still just as hot when it comes out the other end as it was when you ate it. Normally that's not too bad, because "it" comes out quickly and smoothly, and has minimal contact with any, shall we say, "sensitive tissue".

Second of all... when you eat a bunch of really rough, high fiber cereal, as with hot sauce, it's still just about as rough when it comes out the other end as it was when you ate it.

Now, take those two rosy scenarios, and place them together into the type of "explosive situation" that Pa described, AND the type of "traffic jam" Thor described.

The resulting pain is something you can only try to imagine.

Liquid hot sauce spraying out of your tender butthole one minute, red hot sand paper slowly scraping and clawing its way out the next, over and over and over again for an agonizing 30 minutes or so, all the while your stomach is aching with cramps.

Let's just say that it left it's mark indelibly imprinted on my memory as "a day that will live in infamy".

My other poo story is not physically painful, but mildly embarrassing and not really as humorous when retold in story form as it was at the time it happened.

IOW, ya had to be there.

Back in the 90's I was hanging around with an old friend I'd known since the 70's. Cordless phones were still the big thing back then as were answering machines. For a laugh, I used to occasionally take my cordless phone into the bathroom when I'd have to pee. Knowing the guy (his name was actually "Guy") was at work, I'd dial him up and get his machine. At the beep, I'd start peeing while holding the phone down as close to the bowl as I could, then hang up when I was done without saying anything. Of course, when he'd come home and check his messages, he'd have to sit and listen to a good minute or so of the rhapsodic tinkle created by my pee cascading into the toilet water. He used to get a big laugh out of that.

So one day I decided to "up my game" if you will. I took my micro cassette recorder into the crapper with me when I had to take a real bowl-blaster of a dump. It was a real quick one. Just a loud PTTTHHH-KERSPLOOSH!!!! and then silence.

And of course, I taped it.

But... rather than just put it on his answering machine, I put it on MINE as the outgoing message.

So next time he called and I wasn't home, he got four rings, then with no warning whatsoever, the loud, unmistakeable PTTTHHH-KERSPLOOSH!!!! then the beep. Of course the message he left for me, was himself laughing his ass off.

But then... he gave my number to some other people I either didn't know or barely knew, including his girlfriend and some family members, all of whom called and were treated to the PTTTHHH-KERSPLOOSH!!!! of my noisy bowel movement.

I shoulda known he'd do that.

Anyway, I heard about it later from a few people I did and didn't really know that well.

Needless to say, I was mildly chagrined about it.

Those are my poo stories.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 9:42pm
Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

^This also confuses me. What part of the old Heinz commercial (Carly Simon, singing) did you not understand? Even with a ketchup bottle, one would use a butter knife to help 'loosen the load', but playing 'tuck & wait'? I don't think I could live with possibly uncontrollable 'anticipation'.
 
 
I don't generally keep butter knives in the bathroom.
 
Hmmmm...
 
You do?
 
 
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Confusedol'mule?...you're leaving us hanging! The ear syringe! Do you loan it to company for normal use?
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Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:



My other poo story is not physically painful, but mildly embarrassing and not really as humorous when retold in story form as it was at the time it happened.
...

 
LOL  Sounds like something I would do.  I have called my friend Charlie and farted into the phone.  We'd be talking and I'd say "Hold on".  Then I'd put the phone near my butt and let out a nice loud "pfrpfrpfrpfpfrpfrpf".
 
Sometimes, he'd go into my house when I was out and drop a deuce into the downstairs toilet.  Then he'd just leave it there, unflushed, for me to find.
 
This is the guy I'm sending the poo-maker to. 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 9:52pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

^This also confuses me. What part of the old Heinz commercial (Carly Simon, singing) did you not understand? Even with a ketchup bottle, one would use a butter knife to help 'loosen the load', but playing 'tuck & wait'? I don't think I could live with possibly uncontrollable 'anticipation'.
 
 
I don't generally keep butter knives in the bathroom.
 
Hmmmm...
 
You do?
 
 
You missed the point (<hack.hack>)...nobody is silly enough to keep a butter knife in the bathroom! A chainsaw? Sometimes found in the occasional Latino potty, but we're not 'going there' - you should have borrowed Jimbo's ear syringe
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 9:59pm
Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

Confusedol'mule?...you're leaving us hanging! The ear syringe! Do you loan it to company for normal use?


NEVER!!!!

They can get their own.

BTW, I call it "the poor man's bidet".

Works great!!!

Takes a few refills to complete the job, though.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 10:02pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

LOL  Sounds like something I would do.  I have called my friend Charlie and farted into the phone.  We'd be talking and I'd say "Hold on".  Then I'd put the phone near my butt and let out a nice loud "pfrpfrpfrpfpfrpfrpf".

Sometimes, he'd go into my house when I was out and drop a deuce into the downstairs toilet.  Then he'd just leave it there, unflushed, for me to find.

This is the guy I'm sending the poo-maker to.


Yeah, we used to fart into the phone at each other too.

What's a "poo maker" BTW?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 10:21pm
^  I mentioned it in another thread.  Got it at Walmart, reduced from $5 to $1.  Who could resist that?
 
 
 
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^Amazing how varied the prices are on that low-grade fake poo - anywhere between $2 and $11.
Maybe, given you're an adult, you should consider something a little more realistic...and I can see Tiz is on this evening. Wonder what his opinion of the carpet and its color might be?
 
 
 
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A poo thread, should be a "load" of laughs. I think Pa needs to schedule an appointment with .
Never had one get stuck and have to have it mechanically separated before. My fingers are outta the question.
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^^^Mind you, I'm not about to accuse anyone of being 'full of sh*t'. This was NEVER meant to be a thread focused on one particular thing - try reading the initial WARNING, Tiz.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 10:46pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

^  I mentioned it in another thread.  Got it at Walmart, reduced from $5 to $1.  Who could resist that?



Oh my, that is tres kewl!!!!

Can you eat it????
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 10:48pm
Originally posted by Tiz Tiz wrote:

A poo thread, should be a "load" of laughs. I think Pa needs to schedule an appointment with .
Never had one get stuck and have to have it mechanically separated before. My fingers are outta the question.




I don't know why I want to download and save that pic, but I do...

The finger sticking up is perfect, too.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2017 at 10:56pm
Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

^Amazing how varied the prices are on that low-grade fake poo - anywhere between $2 and $11.
Maybe, given you're an adult, you should consider something a little more realistic...and I can see Tiz is on this evening. Wonder what his opinion of the carpet and its color might be?
 
 
 
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