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My dad

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FaithSF View Drop Down
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    Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:03pm
I just found out that the tumor they took from my dad's bladder last week was malignant, and a very aggressive and invasive form of cancer.  He is going for another biopsy tomorrow, to find out whether they got it all.  If they did, he'll have to have radiation.  If they didn't, that will be it.  He will refuse chemotherapy and bladder removal.  He says he doesn't want to live with that level of quality of life.

His 79th birthday is at the end of November, and he's been very lucky, aside from his abdominal aortic aneurysm in 1999.  He got through the surgery well, but then had two heart attacks and was on life support twice in one month.  Then he had a triple bypass (which they should have known about before the AAA surgery, but didn't bother to run all the tests).  We were so very lucky that he came back to us and had the last 9 years.  Two years ago, he had a defibrillator/pacemaker implanted.

Dad could never, even after all that, kick the smoking habit.  He's tried.  But he began smoking at 12 years old (they did that back then), and smoked non-filtered Pall Malls for decades.  He finally switched to Marlboro "Lights" (which we now know doesn't mean a damned thing).

He's in New Jersey, and I'm here.  I hate this.  I'm Daddy's girl.  Fortunately, I have a brother and sister with whom to share this.  But it makes me feel so awful, and not for the first time, that my son doesn't have a sibling.  And when my time comes, he's going to have to shoulder it himself.  I've always assumed that had my husband not been falling in love with his current wife while I was pregnant with my son, that we would have had another child.

It's at times like this I wish my life had been different.  Most of the time, I'm content enough not to have a significant other, but it would be nice at times like these to be able to lean on someone--and, of course, to be able to be the person my SO could lean on as well.

We won't know until at least a week from tomorrow what the prognosis is.

Sorry to sound so sorry for myself, but I needed to vent.  I can't tell my sibs yet, because I promised Dad that he could, of course, be the one to tell them.  I just called him before he was planning on calling any of us tonight.


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Hootman View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:06pm
Faith,

We are always here for you.  Take care.

Hoot
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Yutolia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:08pm
Poor Faith, I'm so sorry to hear that. Cry
"Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers." - Brockway, Cracked.com
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote shadow Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:24pm
I am sorry that you are in a bad way.
I bet your dad is very proud of his girl.
We are here for you, feel free to put some burden onto us.
was feeling nostalgic
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:27pm

Faith,

First and foremost, stay strong - as we know you will - and know we are with you...
 
Second...(it takes a bit to think of proper words; God!, I hate these times for ANYONE!Cry)...
 
I hope it all only works out for the best.
For however events progress...
At the close of the day,
We cannot control them...
We cannot judge the results...
We can assume they were pre-determined...
...and this means that I certainly hope ALL WILL COME OUT WELL.
But, well...it's a damn good time to remember WHAT made you a 'Daddy's Girl'; and, oh...how I wish you get a chance to tell him - face-to-face.
Nothing else could possibly ease any pain any more...for you BOTH.
 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CatWoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:30pm
Faith, you've always been there for me with my dad's health issues, and I'm here for you.  I'm so sorry to hear about this, sweetheart.Heart  Hopefully he's going through the anger phase right now, and will think about the other options in a bit. 
 
My dad has opted for bladder removal, after they found a Stage IV tumor in the muscle of his bladder. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FaithSF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:36pm
Thank you, guys.  You can't know how much your support means to me!

Lori, I couldn't remember whether you'd posted about your dad or if it was just a PM, so I didn't say anything in my previous post.  But I cannot remember ever hearing of anyone I knew having bladder cancer.  Now your dad and mine both get it at the same time.  Is this a common form of cancer?  Have you heard of cases of it before?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CatWoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:45pm
It's common in smokers and in people who used to work with chemicals.  My dad worked at a factory in Chicago for a very long time.  The chemicals they used to get ink off the presses (for envelopes) was found to cause cancer, and has since been banned.  My dad smoked AND worked with these chemicals.  Back then, the companies did not provide protective gear, so I imagine my dad got that sh*t all over his clothes, skin, etc. and it ends up staying in the bladder tissue.
 
My dad also ignored the warning signs, Faith.  He had been passing blood now and then, and didn't go to the doctor until my mom found blood on his laundry.Ouch

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Skerlnik Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 10:57pm
Very sorry to hear that, Faith.  We're here for you, when you need to talk, hun.  Hug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimmy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 11:01pm
I definitely know where you're coming from Faith. Been there, and wish I could say it turned out fine for my Dad. It didn't.

If you need me, I'm here.
One man gathers what another man spills
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Oct 2008 at 11:40pm
Been there, Faith.  I had my bro to handle everything in NJ.  Still, I felt bad---tense, not sleeping well. etc.
 
I hope all goes well.  Good luck to your Father.  And to you!
 
Oh, and try to avoid immersing yourself too much in info on your father's particular illness on the internet.  It'll drive you crazy:  it won't do your father or you any good.  As long as you have a relative to keep you up-to-date on things...
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Big Momma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 1:31am
Faith, I'm so sorry about your Dad's illness! You have had to endure some pretty horrible things. Thor is right, don't go reading everything you find about your Dad's condition, it's hard I know. It's awful when your folks are sick. You are in my prayers. Hug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LOL1955 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 2:18am

Faith, I echo all of the things that have already been said; we may be electronic, but we are your friends, and you can vent any time you want.  We care about you.

I'll get those rosary beads warmed up and start sending prayers your direction. 
 
 
Love endures all.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FaithSF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 5:15pm
Thank you, everyone, for your love and support.  With the benefit of a night's sleep and the perspective of a new day, I realize that the news might come back good!  (Fingers crossed.)  Anyway, I'm sorry to have created a whole new thread:  I meant to just do a post under "Hall of Lame," but I wasn't thinking clearly when I posted.

Hug  Heart
Heart
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HugHeart  Here for you, gal!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 5:28pm
Wow, Faith.... I know what you're going thru. May dad didn't have cancer, but his health started going downhill pretty fast near the end of his life. My mom forced him to finally quit smoking because he didn't drive anymore & she stopped buying him smokes when she went shopping. By her doing so, he lived for a good couple of more years, although he always wanted a cigarette.
 
Anyway, just have strength. You'll make it thru & be stronger in the end.
 
Originally posted by MrsHill MrsHill wrote:

It's common in smokers and in people who used to work with chemicals.  My dad worked at a factory in Chicago for a very long time.  The chemicals they used to get ink off the presses (for envelopes) was found to cause cancer, and has since been banned.  My dad smoked AND worked with these chemicals.  Back then, the companies did not provide protective gear, so I imagine my dad got that sh*t all over his clothes, skin, etc. and it ends up staying in the bladder tissue.
 
My dad also ignored the warning signs, Faith.  He had been passing blood now and then, and didn't go to the doctor until my mom found blood on his laundry.Ouch
 
My dad was lucky in that regard. He worked for Piper Aircraft in their factory for many years working with glues & caustic solvents like Ketone (highly carcinogenic) & even though he wore a full length protective apron & rubber gloves, he was still exposed to it everyday including inhaling the fumes.
 
And he smoked on top of that.
 
Thankfully, he never got cancer.
 
Mon aéroglisseur est plein d'anguilles.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote msmadz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 5:38pm
HugOh Faith - I just read this. I am so sorry for your Dad. You are in my prayers, and a good venting is only a PM away. Hug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Irishman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 10:07pm

Just read this today, Faith. I'm sorry, and I hope the news turns out better than expected.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FaithSF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 10:09pm
Just got a call from my brother.  The doctor said that when they went in for the biopsy today, it looked to him like they got it all, but they won't know for sure till the lab results come back next week.

Thanks again for all your love and support, you guys.  Hug  I knew I could count on you--and that's such a wonderful feeling!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Oct 2008 at 10:32pm

Spectacular news, Faith!

All the best wishes from 'The Den'.Big%20smile

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote CatWoman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2008 at 1:22am
Great news!Hug

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SokMunkie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2008 at 3:16am
Sorry to hear about that, but glad to see that they think they got it all.  My husband is currently in remission from a brain tumor and it's been a difficult few months.

The radiation will make him very sick and weak, but they've got to do what they can.  Make sure he eats well and see if his hospital offers fatigue management.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LOL1955 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2008 at 4:04am

Good new, Faith, and prayers for Family SokMunkies. 

Love endures all.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FaithSF Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2008 at 4:13am
Originally posted by SokMunkie SokMunkie wrote:

Sorry to hear about that, but glad to see that they think they got it all.  My husband is currently in remission from a brain tumor and it's been a difficult few months.

The radiation will make him very sick and weak, but they've got to do what they can.  Make sure he eats well and see if his hospital offers fatigue management.


Thanks, SM.  But wait, you are dealing with this, kids, and a new one's imminent arrival?  Oh, brother!  I will keep you in my prayers!  Hug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SokMunkie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Oct 2008 at 4:23am
Originally posted by FaithSF FaithSF wrote:

Originally posted by SokMunkie SokMunkie wrote:

Sorry to hear about that, but glad to see that they think they got it all.  My husband is currently in remission from a brain tumor and it's been a difficult few months.

The radiation will make him very sick and weak, but they've got to do what they can.  Make sure he eats well and see if his hospital offers fatigue management.


Thanks, SM.  But wait, you are dealing with this, kids, and a new one's imminent arrival?  Oh, brother!  I will keep you in my prayers!  Hug

Only one kid currently.  This one will be my second.

Yes, it has been an interesting time. LOL  But I try to keep my sense of humor about things and thank God that he's still alive.
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