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I Hate Movies IV

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PitLoad413 View Drop Down
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Joined: 28 Sep 2009
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    Posted: 27 Mar 2019 at 4:17am
I'm back!  I know it's been a while. I've run out of things to talk about. Since they're mostly about Leftists psychopaths that watched a late 90s movie too many. But back to the task at hand. 

The movies I want to rip apart today are modern apocalypse movies. I can't stand them. Just like those goddamned airline disaster movies: the plot, characters, are interchangeable. See today's doomsday films center around a white upper-middle-class family in the suburbs. It's like they just stepped out of a Wal-Mart or Cheerios commercial. Only this time they're escaping the boogeyman or Mother nature's temper tantrum. The plot is always these Brady Bunch looking pukes are living in a 4 bedroom colonial and driving a Land Rover one minute, and the next they're living in a hovel that looks as cozy as an abandoned haunted house in which someone has been murdered in almost a decade hence. The form of transportation is either a horse-drawn carriage, a stolen sh*t-bucket, or walking around barefoot on the sand in a desolate ruin like medieval primitives.  Case in point: A Quiet Place, 2012, etc. All right it's about Quiet Place. 

Really? Do you really think these Smartphone junkies have the hutspa and the balls to survive an apocalyptic nightmare? Hell to the f**king no! These assholes can't survive a day without Wi-Fi and Starbucks. Hollywood doesn't get survival (nor does it get politics the existence of the rest of the country) but I digress. What makes you think they can survive years in a fourth-world existence with no power, no medicines, and rarely any food? First of all, How can these armored aliens defeat the military? If they can detect the slightest sound how the f**k can these survivors of this afterworld till the fields to grow food without making a sound. How you can fix things without making a noise? Secondly, why in the blue hell would you wander this otherwise toxic wasteland that has since been heavily contaminated with bacteria, rusty nails, broken glass, and jagged metal while barefoot?! Yeah! Without any medical knowledge or treatment, no less. That's why shoes, moccasins were invented, dumbsh*ts. Furthermore, how do they know how to defeat the bad guys when no one else could? The answer is No. The family in the Quiet Place along with the families in the movie 2012 and the other doomsday hypothetical documentaries and mockbusters would've been vaporized, devoured, or ravaged by a number of viruses.  I hate these movies because I could never suspend my disbelief. To live in a world in which common logic would deem impossible.  The only apocalypse movies with families that get it right are Mad Max and The Day After! 
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PaWolf View Drop Down
Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know....

Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Location: GreatWhiteNorth
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Mar 2019 at 12:44pm
Welcome back and I feel your pain.
I hate these same movies for the following, more obvious reasons:
  • Where can I drink of water?
  • Where can I find a flush toilet?
  • Got any toilet paper?
  • What do you call a commando that 'goes commando'?
  • "Gee Dear, you don't smell so fresh today..."
  • "What are those things wiggling between your teeth?"

X               <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike
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