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handling Mormons/Jehovah's Witnesses\Telemarketers

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Papa Lazarou View Drop Down
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    Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:07pm
Sure, ignore them, say no thanks, slam the door in their faces.
 
Ever dealt with them...a little more creatively?
 
Mormons...there was a couple of guys, one was a kid about 19-20, the other was easily mid 40's.
 
*opens door*
 
Older: Hello, we're here to spread the word of Jesus Christ (Or whatever they say, I couldn't give a rats arse.)
 
me: Do you suck cock? If you do I'll let you in, and I might even listen to you.
 
The funniest/saddest part, was that the young guy got this really big grin on his face, and I SWEAR he would have walked through the door, if not for the older guy saying "S-s-sorry to bother you.", grabbing the youngin's arm, and walking back to their car.
 
With some Jehovah's witnesses, I had real fun, pretending I was possessed. I did a gravelly Papa Lazarou voice, and they actually ran. One tripped on the steps, dropped his pamphlets...didn't even pick them up.
 
Sadly, neither of the door-to-door religions ever come here now...I miss them...them and REAL telemarketers.
 
There was some company in Las Vegas that kept calling us, advertising a home-delivery service for groceries and home goods. I put on a Hyacinth Bucket (It's Bouquet!) voice, and actually kept them there for 30 minutes, asking if they were CERTAIN that all products are only handled by upper-middle class citizens, if they could ensure I get my milk from the same cows that produce the govenor's milk, and went off on a...ten minute or so bit about "My lovely son, Sheridan."
 
They hung up on me. Sheer bliss!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:15pm
I'm not into abusing people unless they're abusing me.  Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons are always nice.  I just tell 'em that I have my own beliefs.  Then I allow for a little back-and-forth, but stand my ground.  They're usually happy with that.
 
As far as telemarketers, they're nice enough, too.  Just doing their job.  I usually say "I can't really help you out right now, but good luck."  And then I hang up.  No use wasting anymore time (theirs or mine) on the matter.
 
Boring, huh?
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Papa Lazarou Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:21pm
Yes, very boring. I oughtta whip you!
 
Although, on my side...They'd always come during home schooling, when we're sitting down to watch a movie...same with Telemarketers. Typically I only did these things when they were intruding (accidentally...) on important/special time for me and my family.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:39pm
I get a lotta telemarketing calls.  Luckily, I have a phone with caller ID readout.  I just don't answer those.  Or sometimes I pick up the phone and hang right up.  That way, I don't have to deal with the annoying "Missed Call" message.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eribean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:55pm
I once kept a telemarketer on the line for an hour an a half, grilling her about the cell phone she was selling. I asked if it caused brain cancer. Then when I finally let her think she'd conned me into it, I asked what I had to do to get the phone, then told her I'd have to check with my parole officer to see if I was allowed out... She was very responsive and just said that if he let me out, I could just come by... she really must have been new on the job.
"Oh, and just because I like humans, it doesn't mean that I like you personally. That's important to note."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eribean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 9:56pm
My mom, on the other hand, once invited Jehovah's witnesses to have dinner with us when I was a kid. Weirdest dinner ever.
"Oh, and just because I like humans, it doesn't mean that I like you personally. That's important to note."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 10:18pm
This sounds a lot like one of Donathan's threads.Wink
"Sure, ignore them, say no thanks, slam the door in their faces."

Can't say I have ever slammed the door, though. If I let them in, then I'd have to offer them a smoke or a beer or something. Or listen while I'm taking a bath.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 10:22pm
I once told a siding telemarketer to come over and give me an estimate.  I lived in a 200 unit apartment brick apartment complex at the time.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Yutolia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 10:49pm
My dad sometimes answers telemarketers with this weird, very gutteral made-up language. One time a whole group of telemarketers had him on speaker phone so they could all listen.LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 11:18pm

Telemarketers:  Tell them you rent.  Gets rid of them quick, and they never call back.

Mormons:  Yell like Billy Mays:  "IS YOUR MAGIC UNDERWEAR THE WHITEST WHITE?  DO YOU WANT IT TO BE?  THEN YOU NEED OXY-CLEAN!!!"

JW's:  If I notice them walking the 'hood, I don't even answer the door.  Saves us all time....

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote regulus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 11:28pm
Telemarketers: Since they block caller ID I recognize them instantly, and ignore them.
 
Mormons and "Jolly Whiskey's": They Always park their Vehicles in front of my house, If one of them ring's my doorbell I'll look out the window, see their Cars, and ignore them.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Sep 2012 at 11:49pm

Telemarketers?

Haven't had but a rare call from one who slips and doesn't realize we are registered on the 'National Do Not Call Registry' (which works).

https://www.donotcall.gov/

Charities and bill collectors are exempt, but charities usually will avoid you if you are registered.
 
The last religious group (Church of Scientology) I ran into harassing people actually ran away from me (no joke - they scattered like flies!) and I have no idea why - I was riding and maybe a little hot & sweaty, but I was *pleasant*...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tom Sewer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 12:21am
Codtaro, your post was highly amusing to me. Especially since I know so many former Mormons who are gay, and had homosexual relations with each other while doing missionary work.

I've always been tempted to open the door with my shotgun, but I always go the boring route and just say no since I always figure that their lives are pathetic enough and I'm usually so frickin lazy. But next time, I will ask them for oral pleasure for a chance to save my soul.

The most amusing that saying no ever got was this one time when a grey-haired lady (about 60), and a white-haired lady (about 80) came to the door. I was fairly cheerful for some reason. And the white-haired lady was cheerful back and asked me if I'd like to talk about getting into heaven or saving my soul or some such, and I simply answered with, "No."

And then she asked, "No?"

And I replied, "No."

And so she asked, "No?"

And my response was, "No."

She seemed very shocked and perplexed by my answers to her questions. And then the grey-haired lady started dragging the white-haired lady away, and so I was like, "Bye, have a good day."

They have to live with themselves, I guess.



"Today's Tom Sewer, you get by on him." - Tom Sawyer by Rush... sort of.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bwestfall Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 1:00am

Like most of you with homes, I get all the people who feel the need to help you in some way--whether you want them to or not--and traipse all over your property, peeking in windows to see if you're home, leave pamphlets and flyers on your door.  Well, out of all these groups, the Baptist Church members up the road are the worst of the bunch--stay on my sh*t list. 

First, they always come on Saturday, or even more likely, Sunday morning.  Well, bwestfall and her critters are NOT morning persons, especially on Sundays.  Man, they run over my flower beds by the driveway, I've watched and seen them almost hit my car, they gawk around and wander around to the back of the house and bang on that door, and it makes my poors dogs go crazy. Well, I really don't want to talk to or see them--I'm not getting dressed--I just want them to go away.  Personally, I don't see why people like this still think its okay to go onto someone's property without permission.  And I sure as hell don't need what they are "selling".  How arrogant are they that they think I need help deciding how I feel about religion/God/church--btw, I'm agnostic bordering aetheist--but if I want to go to any church, I will.  Besides that, how do they know I don't go to church unless they spy on me (I've already got some dumb man up the road eyeing my pickup (use just for dirty jobs) bitching at me to sell it to him cause I never use it--he had to have been spying or on my property to know that--I told him to mind his own business and get the heck away from my truck). And the "Baptists" came by about every 3-4 months, what's with that?
 
So, I did get a little pay back a year or so ago--though it didn't stop them--when they came later than usual and I was working in the yard (Sunday no less) and I looked like hell.  I have no idea how Martha Stewart ever works in her yard/garden and stay as clean as she does.  2 women and 1 man got out of the car and sauntered over--I made them come to me so they would have to get there Sunday-best shoes in the wet grass clippings.  I was sweaty and really dirty and I made sure I shook hands good with all 3.  Then we got down to brass tacks.  Before the man could get anything out, I calmly told him that I didn't appreciate anyone coming on to my property and telling me that I needed to go to church, that I would go to church when I wanted to and that they were wasting their time.  I should have told them I was an aetheist but I, a flaming liberal, live in a very conservative little town/rural area (when I put up my Obama sign in 2008 I kept getting nasty glares and a couple of sh*tty comments so I didn't put my sign back out this year). 
 
So, I felt better but it hasn't stopped them.  For a while I thought about putting up a No Trespassing sign but that can have consequences, too.  I just can't believe how  ballsy people can be going to people's houses that they don't know from Adam's housecat, but I really do like my privacy.  I simply don't go to anyone's house I don't know and I don't even go to houses of people I know unless I'm invited or I call first.
 
As for Jehovah's Witness, one of my crazy Aunts joined years ago but we just started acting like she wasn't part of our family (she died years ago)--J.W. are really leechy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 1:16am
Originally posted by bwestfall bwestfall wrote:


 
So, I did get a little pay back a year or so ago--though it didn't stop them--when they came later than usual and I was working in the yard (Sunday no less) and I looked like hell.  I have no idea how Martha Stewart ever works in her yard/garden and stay as clean as she does.  2 women and 1 man got out of the car and sauntered over--I made them come to me so they would have to get there Sunday-best shoes in the wet grass clippings.  I was sweaty and really dirty and I made sure I shook hands good with all 3.  Then we got down to brass tacks.  Before the man could get anything out, I calmly told him that I didn't appreciate anyone coming on to my property and telling me that I needed to go to church, that I would go to church when I wanted to and that they were wasting their time.  I should have told them I was an aetheist but I, a flaming liberal, live in a very conservative little town/rural area (when I put up my Obama sign in 2008 I kept getting nasty glares and a couple of sh*tty comments so I didn't put my sign back out this year). 
 


LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DARK FATHER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 2:56am
This hot redhead that I used to date used to answer the door topless whenever the religious pamphlet pests would come around . What a thing for Jehovah to witness .
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eribean Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 3:40am
To be honest, in this day and age, I've wondered how they manage to go door-to-door without getting shot.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote insanity213 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 3:17pm
Originally posted by Tiz Tiz wrote:


Can't say I have ever slammed the door, though.


They don't like it very much when you do that:




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Moochamoocha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 6:56pm
Originally posted by Codtaro Codtaro wrote:



With some Jehovah's witnesses, I had real fun, pretending I was possessed. I did a gravelly Papa Lazarou voice, and they actually ran. One tripped on the steps, dropped his pamphlets...didn't even pick them up.
 


LOLLOLLOLLOL I don't know who Papa Lazarou is but that had me laughing.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sgtrock21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 7:39pm
Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

Telemarketers?

Haven't had but a rare call from one who slips and doesn't realize we are registered on the 'National Do Not Call Registry' (which works).

 

The registry worked fine for the first few years. The last year or so I started receiving about a dozen calls per week. My theory is due to the terrible economy they were desperate. I reported them but they still continued. They were two different TMs. One offering to lower my credit card interest to 6%. I explained that I was not interested in "lowering" my 3.25% card to 6%! They continued calling. The other one offered a "free" (plus taxes and port fees) 2 day Bahamas cruise if I would complete a survey. Let me think about that My out of pocket expenses would be a minimum of: round trip airfare from Oregon to Florida, at least 2 nights hotel lodging, taxi fares, and meals. I'm sure my "luxurious cruise" would include a broomcloset size inboard cabin located over the engine room. Of course there would also be the mandatory 6 hour pitch for timeshares or some sort of travel club. Come on people. I was born at night but it wasn't last night!!! About 2 months ago the calls stopped. I wonder if the financal geniuses who were paying the telemarketers woke up in the 21st century and realised that email spam was just as ineffective but much less expensive.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Papa Lazarou Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 7:43pm
Originally posted by Moochamoocha Moochamoocha wrote:

Originally posted by Codtaro Codtaro wrote:



With some Jehovah's witnesses, I had real fun, pretending I was possessed. I did a gravelly Papa Lazarou voice, and they actually ran. One tripped on the steps, dropped his pamphlets...didn't even pick them up.
 


LOLLOLLOLLOL I don't know who Papa Lazarou is but that had me laughing.
 
 
It's not as good as the original, but it's a good and different taste of the character. Skip to about 2:00 if you'd like.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote regulus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 8:55pm
Originally posted by sgtrock21 sgtrock21 wrote:

Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

Telemarketers?

Haven't had but a rare call from one who slips and doesn't realize we are registered on the 'National Do Not Call Registry' (which works).

 

The registry worked fine for the first few years. The last year or so I started receiving about a dozen calls per week. My theory is due to the terrible economy they were desperate. I reported them but they still continued. They were two different TMs. One offering to lower my credit card interest to 6%. I explained that I was not interested in "lowering" my 3.25% card to 6%! They continued calling. The other one offered a "free" (plus taxes and port fees) 2 day Bahamas cruise if I would complete a survey. Let me think about that My out of pocket expenses would be a minimum of: round trip airfare from Oregon to Florida, at least 2 nights hotel lodging, taxi fares, and meals. I'm sure my "luxurious cruise" would include a broomcloset size inboard cabin located over the engine room. Of course there would also be the mandatory 6 hour pitch for timeshares or some sort of travel club. Come on people. I was born at night but it wasn't last night!!! About 2 months ago the calls stopped. I wonder if the financal geniuses who were paying the telemarketers woke up in the 21st century and realised that email spam was just as ineffective but much less expensive.
 
I heard nothing but "Bad Things" about these kinds of Cruise Packages. The ship was nothing more than a glorified Gambling Boat, (You didn't even stay overnight in the Boat) The "Luxery Hotels" were Dives (Often referred to as "Hot Pillows"), the one in the Bahamas was located next door to an Oil Refineary, and no one in their right mind would even think of going swimming off the beach there. The Hotel(s) on the US side were equally as bad, and if the package included Orlando, the Theme Park Vouchers given to participants were declared invalid by the parks. Yes, you had to endure a TORTUROUS Timeshare Sales Presentations that was EXTREMELY High Pressure, Participants were drove miles from the hotel (And often REFUSED transportation back to the hotel if they didn't purchase the Timeshare Plan). "Taxes and Port Fees" were GROSSLY Inflated, by the time you were finished what was supposed to be a "Free" Cruise had cost you over $1,000.00, NOT INCLUDING Airfare, Taxi fare and Meals! Lawsuits Galore are certainly filed against the company, which "Agrees" not to do business in the State issuing the Lawsuit, afterwards the company "Restarts" under a new name with new leaders and starts all over again. I'm sure a special place in Ghenenna awaits these buffoons.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Sep 2012 at 11:26pm
Originally posted by regulus regulus wrote:

  I'm sure a special place in Ghenenna awaits these buffoons.
 
Imagine the 'timeshare' sales pitch they're gonna get....
 
"Would you like the Giant Pineapple Bungholing package, or being slowly devoured by The Thousand Flaming Nibbling Eyeballs?"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote timdubya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Sep 2012 at 1:09am
Offer a Mormon a coffee or Coke.  At BYU games nothing stronger than 7Up is served.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EMCEE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Sep 2012 at 6:18am
Jehovah's Witnesses used to stop by just about ONCE A WEEK when I was still in high school.  After I got tired of their sh*t, I greeted them outside the door wearing nothing but boxers and digging wholeheartedly at my twig and berries.  I thought that would keep them away.  It did not.

The next time I saw them coming, I let my rottweiler and great dane out before they could leave their vehicle.  They were scared sh*tless, and never came back afterward.     
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