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Funerals

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bwestfall View Drop Down
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    Posted: 13 Sep 2012 at 11:31pm
DeadI work with a woman who literally loves to go to funerals.  I believe that she goes to between 25 and 50 funerals a year.  Now the obvious thing about it she gets to take time off.  If local, she is gone an hour or two.  Several times a year she is gone 2 or 3 days.  Still not a big deal but we are a small staff and if she's gone it puts others in a bind.
 
Today, she says she is going to the funeral of the mother-in-law of our former Dean because "one of us should."  She never met the women and hasn't seen our ex-boss for two years.  Sheeesh!
 
I really don't like funerals; I think they are barbaric, and the family ones I have gone to always have hippocrosy, uncomfortable situations, etc.  For me, its just not the way to honor someone you really cared about.
 
Now, I  am from just across the Mason-Dixon Line but now living in the South.  Is this love of funerals a regional thing?  I know she always has to be in her Sunday best, bringing all her clothers in dry cleaner bags; everything just perfect.  I'm pretty sure its kind of social--though how could it be when she is surrounded mostly by people she doesn't know?  She is religious and I'm not-at all  Wink
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 12:16am
When I die, I wanna be rolled up in an old carpet and dumpster'd.
 
No, really---I'm for funerals---open casket at that.  It gives friends and family a chance to say goodbye to the deceased, as well as reconnect with one another before "another" is dead, too.
 
But as far as that lady?  Sounds a bit nuts to me, considering she has neither friends nor family there---either in the box or outside of it.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 12:40am

ConfusedFunerals SUCK - I HATE watching a loved one earn their 'Mud Monkey Merit Badge', even though I fully understand they did their job, time for their reward..

I just buried my beloved Sister less than a month ago - she was 62. That is middle-aged, in my family; I'm not really over it.

I know what you mean about the South; my (now-departed) ex-partner in 'Business Crime' used to be a huge 'Funeral Buff'; I swore he wore out a few black suits burying realtive multiple times. Then again, on Valentine's Day, he would race to the local cemetary to get flowers for his wife (he was a cheaper bastard than me, but my best friend). Funerals were 'a way of life' for the MelWolf, until he died, that is (he croaked hanging XMAS ornaments on the tree while drinking a beer and; screwed up the tree - his wife called to bitch at and blame me FIRST, then to have me come down to plant him).

MissyDWolf has specific instructions for ME - 2 pallbearers (2 handles on a garbage can) - I have a stainless steel garbage can in the garage for that very purpose. They can burn me, toss me in the river, or dump me deep in the Algonquin State Forest, but they cannot shed tears or spend money on a friggin' rock. Yea, 'Southern Dramitization' ain't for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 1:33am
I told my dear wife that I want to be cremated.  Then she should take the ashes and run them through a douche bag for one last time.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 2:19am
I would go to lots of funerals too, if they all served free food afterward. Tongue
 
Random person: "Didja hear?.... So & so died."
 
Me: "Awwww, that's too bad." 
 
Random person: "Are you going to the funeral?"
 
Me: "I dunno.... what are they having?"
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 2:31am
Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

I would go to lots of funerals too, if they all served free food afterward. Tongue
 
 
LOLLOLLOL!(THAT hurt SO BAD that I'm SURE I'm gonna die...but NOT BEFORE...) 
Homey LIKES to 'Eat for Free'!
Maybe we should start a club, or even a 'movement' (well..we'd probably have a few after dinner, doncha know!)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote musicman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 3:50am
Originally posted by PaWolf PaWolf wrote:

Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

I would go to lots of funerals too, if they all served free food afterward. Tongue
 
 
LOLLOLLOL!(THAT hurt SO BAD that I'm SURE I'm gonna die...but NOT BEFORE...) 
Homey LIKES to 'Eat for Free'!
Maybe we should start a club, or even a 'movement' (well..we'd probably have a few after dinner, doncha know!)

You could call it:  A death and a dinner club.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:38am
They could make a movie about you two..."Funeral Crashers"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Big Momma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:49am
Pa, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, just horrible.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote msmadz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 2:12pm
Pa, I am very sorry to hear about your sister.  Very sad.
 
Bwestfall, I too work with not one, but two death hags. I work for a very large company and we often get an email (some ridiculous, I must say) "Sad news. Mary Smith's ex brother-in-law's third wife passed away this morning due to complications from a rejuvenating pedicure..."  and they make a huge flurry to rush out to the DAY TIME wake and funeral. I swear,, it's just to get out of work. And if we do lose someone we actually KNOW they take the entire day because supposedly they're overcome with grief. Even if they were talking trash about them 2 days before.
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I totally H8 funerals!!!  OuchDeadAngryDeadOuch
Knowing that somebody you love has become worm food isn't exactly my cup of tea "if'n ya knows what I mean". Cry
 
Having to learn the funerary customs for the first one is bad enough; but if the next wants their funeral held in a nonstandard manner (such as by having a wake, etc.) then you have to basically go through all of the rigmarole again. Dead

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Big Momma Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 2:27pm
LOL death hag LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 9:44pm
Originally posted by AngryMcPisseron AngryMcPisseron wrote:

I totally H8 funerals!!!  OuchDeadAngryDeadOuch
Knowing that somebody you love has become worm food isn't exactly my cup of tea "if'n ya knows what I mean". Cry
 
Having to learn the funerary customs for the first one is bad enough; but if the next wants their funeral held in a nonstandard manner (such as by having a wake, etc.) then you have to basically go through all of the rigmarole again. Dead

Us three kids had to hear that pitch from the funeral guy trying to push expensive caskets for Mom.
"We can't guarantee that $2000 casket won't keep bugs out....."Angry  Thanks for that.
So how would we know this $15000 dollar one will? Confused

So Mr Funeral Guy, can you explain to us why a lot of those Head Stones have people's names on both sides? Say we pay $5 grand for a Stone with her name engraved on the front. Years down the road, someone gets buried behind her and gets to engrave their name on the back of the marker "we" bought.
WTF is wrong with that? Crooks.

Sis, being the level-headed one, thought of getting that small boulder that once lined Mom's driveway and have one side planed down flat. No one could use the backside.Thumbs Up  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 9:54pm
Funerals are depressing.

I've been through a couple in my years my Grandma in 2003, My Grandpa in 2005, and finally my Aunt Emily a few years ago.

That's why at my funeral I'm gonna have a celebration of my life and less focus on the death that's just happened.Big smile Enough of morbidity I'm sick of it!Angry  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 10:39pm
We were in a funeral home picking out a casket for my FIL years ago.  I was ridiculous.  My MIL and wife were being all picky about what kind of interior including the type of pillow he would have liked....believe me, he would not have given a sh*t.

I made  a comment to the funeral director that as much as they cost, it was a waste to pay that kind of money and then just bury it.  I suggested that he market caskets to the living.  Simply buy one early in life, take it home and use it as a big planter or storage unit.  You could put wheels on it and let your kid enter it in the Akron Derby....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:11pm
Originally posted by Hootman Hootman wrote:

I told my dear wife that I want to be cremated....  
ShockedWarn the Hootette to be careful - be observant! I've heard some bad things about 'takin' 'da express route to Hell'; I hear tell some folk paid for it and then, when lookin' in the covered ashtray, realized they got burned.Ouch
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:16pm
If I'm not rolled up in an old carpet and dumpstered, I might like to be fed to the sharks in the shark tank at the Monterey Bay Aquarium in front of a buncha 3rd-graders on a class trip.  It'd be a good learning experience for 'em.  Of course, I'd have to be wearing underwear.  Don't want the kiddies to see anything they shouldn't.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote regulus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:37pm
I would like to be cremated, then my ashes placed on a rocket that would be fired on a trajectory around the far side of the Moon. After going around the Moon the capsule would then head back tword Earth. At this point a charge would go off in the Capsule, scattering the ashes into a dust cloud that would hit the Earth, resulting in thousands of shooting stars streaking across the skies! Big smile 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Sep 2012 at 11:41pm
Being a 'history buff', I've seen a lot of ways ancient civilizations revered their dead.
I've been a tad fascinated by the way some civilizations did things such as having sat their dead out for the predatory birdlife to eat, atop places of worship, sitting on high hills (generally far-eastern). Personally, I don't believe I'd really care to ultimately become the residual waste from a previously-constipated, now-relieved eagle, or something. Especially on a windshield ("DAMMIT! We just got 'wolfed-on' - what a mess! Let's get to the car wash!").
I've taken the WolfyFambly to some places very bizarre, where the 'dead are on display'; all mummified and crap, doncha know - and that has made me NOT want to become a Macy's Store-Front' DummyWolf in a XMAS display. Couldn't dress me up enough and I'd probably scare young children.
Now, if'n *I* was THOR (and, well, I'm not), I'd consider gettin' all mummified in a sitting position, then get my mortal remains taken up to somewhere around Haight-Ashbury, get all painted and dressed up, and then become a front-room decoration - doncha know, you'd serve a dual purpose!
You'd brighten the room and You could also be the one holding the drugs during the bust ('jail time' shouldn't bother you too much, as long as you're not used wrong).
Me?
Nawww...dump me in a hole lined with a garbage can. Make sure I'm facing North.
 
.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DARK FATHER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2012 at 12:40am
I hate funerals too.  I just buried my father in May, and I hope to not have to attend another anytime soon.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2012 at 1:11am
Sorry to hear that, DF.
 
My father had to bury his wife (my mother) one day, and his only remaining sibling (his bro) the next.  The two had died 10 minutes apart---she in NJ, he in Florida.
 
Then my father died a few months later...coincidentally, on my mother's birthday, right when a Catholic Mass my father had requested months earlier in memory of my mother was being said at the church (their neighbors pointed that out to us).
 
That was a bad year.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2012 at 1:19am
Originally posted by DARK FATHER DARK FATHER wrote:

I hate funerals too.  I just buried my father in May, and I hope to not have to attend another anytime soon.
Sorry for the loss, DF.
Personally, I rarely say that, DF. There are those ready to say, "HOW can you be 'sorry'? You didn't do anything and you don't really know me..." , but, like you, I've recently been through the same.
I have to believe that as gut-wrenching an event it is we go through, we have to rationalize it with ourselves; we have to come to some form of acceptable grip with it. The 'silver lining' has to be found. I choose to believe it a reward; maybe the end of a job well done.
Offer a 'Congratulations' and a 'ThankYou!'. One wouldn't be present if not for at least that.
For me it isn't about being desensitized to such an event - it's about the view in a different, maybe more acceptable to one's self, light.
 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hootman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2012 at 1:24am
Reg, I would have thought you'd want to be placed in the front seat of your favorite coaster and ride away.
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Originally posted by Hootman Hootman wrote:

Reg, I would have thought you'd want to be placed in the front seat of your favorite coaster and ride away.
ConfusedThere is ALWAYS such a long line for either the very FRONT, or the very REAR seats of a coaster...after a 'few spins around the block', some kid probably would have kicked Reg out the side like a loose wallet, or something.
May have caused a bit of a scene if done too high, doncha know - mortal remains bouncing off of this rail, or that...maybe landing in the 'Kiddie Kooling Spray Jets', below...
Dead (at least the watery mist would wash the stench away, doncha know...ya'll know how hot it is in the summer and how someone without proper deodorant tends to smell) 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote regulus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Sep 2012 at 1:55am
Actually I prefer the REAR Seat of a Coaster. More "Air" on the hills, and you get RAGDOLLED more in the turns! Big smile
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