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MrTim
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Good News For Men: Your hair loss may not be genetic; Sleep researchers discover that cockroaches can stealthily crawl onto your scalp and eat your hair follicles while you sleep
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MrTim
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Mayor DiBlasio proposing to build a landfill barrier around NYC to protect it against sea level rise; Wall of garbage expected to reach 100 feet high, maybe more
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MrTim
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Aging superhero has major incontinence issues; Superman searching for Super-Depends; Persons under his flight path urged to seek cover or purchase Kevlar umbrellas
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MrTim
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Hackers accessing doorbell cameras through smartphone app glitch; Miscreants making doorbell ring when nobody is at door, or splice in gif of an impatient scary clown with an ax waiting outside
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MrTim
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Surprising Science Fact: The odor of flatulance can travel as far and faster than the world record for the 50 yard dash; Many athletes shocked to discover their own 'exhausts' often beat them to the finish line
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MrTim
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Absolutely Amazing Tourist Spots You Must Visit Before You Die: Nevada Nuclear Test Site night tour gets glowing reviews
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MrTim
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California decrees new warning label addition for alcoholic beverages: "Warning: Your dog may hump your face if you pass out drunk from consuming this product"; Journalists curious as to which legislators this happened to
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MrTim
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Flat Earth supporters planning an Antarctic expedition to the edge of the world; Brave adventurers will bring along parachutes in case they fall off
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jimdobson/2019/03/16/flat-earth-supporters-now-plan-an-antarctica-expedition-to-the-edge-of-the-world/#bf0bfe659165 |
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MrTim
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Drunk online shopping a multi-billion dollar national habit; Amazon especially loves blotto customers, makes 'Buy-It-Now' buttons very visible
https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2019-03-27/guess-how-much-americans-spend-online-while-drunk |
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MrTim
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Do you like avocados? BETTER STOCK UP NOW, B*TCHES! Trump's border closing to cut off imports from Mexico; Paltry California crop won't be ready for another month or longer, prices expected to skyrocket
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MrTim
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Do people tell you not to get a swollen head? You may not have a choice; Scientists say your head temporarily swells 1 to 3mm in size when you are praised or are proud of an achievement
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MrTim
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People who seem to stare off into the distance may actually be looking at something a lot closer; Watching strangely shaped floaters move around in your eyes can be mesmerizing, say researchers
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MrTim
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Do you have a bad diet? Do you also smoke? Then you should be dead by now; Study also shows that it is easier to quit eating than to quit smoking
https://www.sciencealert.com/bad-diets-kill-more-people-around-the-world-than-smoking-says-a-new-study |
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MrTim
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Gillette to double down on their female razor with a "Shave The Whales!" ad campaign; Skinny waifs urged to keep bandages handy in case of possible nicks & cuts
https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/04/gillette-venus-celebrates-morbid-obesity-in-new-sjw-ad-promoting-beautiful-women-of-all-shapes-and-sizes/ |
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MrTim
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[ I deleted this one, because it's really horrible, and don't want it to give people ideas about actually doing it. ]
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MrTim
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Martha Stewart, she's not: Lori Loughlin reportedly in panic about going to prison; "Shoulda taken the plea deal" many say
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/lori-loughlin-reportedly-in-panic-mode-at-potential-prison-time-for-college-admissions-scandal |
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MrTim
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More people will be attending church this Sunday than on Easter; Most are praying that they will get their taxes in on time the next day
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MrTim
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People discovering that Alexa can be an awesome party machine; With proper commands, Alexa can make continuous fart noises and porno moans, often at the same time
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MrTim
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Hunchback of Notre Dame now homeless; Devastating fire destroys Paris cathedral, much history
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MrTim
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New method of hot waxing reportedly painless; However, it leaves the area looking "like freshly plucked chicken skin"
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MrTim
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Justice Department sends Trump a peace offering to apologize for their spying; President returns Amazon Alexa device to them, with a note saying "Nice try"
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MrTim
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Travel advisory issued for Norway, due to their severe troll problems; Not the internet kind, though those are also dirty and smelly
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MrTim
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Easter aftereffects to be just as bad this year, say experts; By Friday most people will be tired of eating hardboiled eggs and leftover rabbit
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MrTim
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Bernie Sanders wants dead people to vote, too; Oiuja board voting booths to be placed at all election precincts
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MrTim
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Survey finds that people trust being driven by a drunk driver more than a self-driving car; Plans by SD car manufacturers to build their cars without steering wheels or brake pedals eyed with skepticism
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