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MrTim
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Your "Elf on the Shelf" may be a cheap knock-off; Many unscrupulous manufacturers dressing up shaved monkeys as a substitute; Kids can't tell difference, being creeped out by both fake and real
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MrTim
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Dumbest criminal of the holiday season: She thought she could get away with it
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/framingham-woman-tries-to-shoplift-during-‘shop-with-a-cop’-event-police-say/ar-BBH5gvp?li=BBnbcA1&utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
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MrTim
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Christmas 2017 ER Report: Only 4 men admitted to ER this year for tying a bow too tightly to their 'packages'; One also had to be cut out of his Santa suit
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MrTim
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A study shows that your office tea bags may contain 17 times more germs than a toilet seat; Researchers say "You really don't want to know what's in your office fridge!"
http://www.viralnova.com/tea-bag-bacteria/
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MrTim
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Returns down 70% after UK retailers upped ante for this year's Boxing Day by hiring pros; Tradition has it that you must defeat a store employee in a boxing match before being allowed to return or exchange a gift
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MrTim
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Food companies slowly dropping MSG; Most have found that adding actual salt to their products "greatly improves the flavor"
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MrTim
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Vagina Museum opens up next to Penis Museum; New Baby Museum down the street expected to arrive later this year
https://www.vaginamuseum.co.uk/about
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MrTim
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Freezing temps affecting most of nation; After almost a year in office, Trump puts an end to Global Warming
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MrTim
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New marijuana strain combines THC with potent form of tryptophan; Test subjects claim "It's like inhaling a Thanksgiving turkey! You do get a little sleepy, but there's no munchies afterward."
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MrTim
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Tourist OD's on Viagra, goes on naked rampage through airport; Cops wore eye protection, extra gloves while wrestling him to ground to avoid any "shooting accidents"
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/american-tourist-overdosed-viagra-strolls-11812119?ICID=ref_fark
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Juneau AK. (AP)
Mini malls throughout the Mendenhall Valley have installed free laundry sets (washing machines and dryers) to ease the blight of methheads, heroine addicts, and other assorted wastoids washing their clothes in public urinals.
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MrTim
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Oprah may be running for president in 2020; A free car is promised for everyone, but you'll have to share it
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MrTim
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^^If you don't get the joke, it is only ONE free car that the entire nation must share, not one for every person
Move over Hamilton!; Michael Wolff's pot-stirring book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House to be made into a Broadway play
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MrTim
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Man bursts into flames after being Tasered by French cops; Perp "was saturated with strong wine and flammable cologne"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5254045/Man-bursts-FLAMES-hes-tasered-French-police.html?ito=social-facebook&utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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MrTim
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Fake nuclear attack warning in Hawaii still going to cause an explosion; Last minute "Let's go screw one last time before we die" hookups will result in a mini 'baby boom' in 9 months
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MrTim
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2016 election not over yet;
Hillary Clinton could still become president of Russia if probe finds conspiracy evidence
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MrTim
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Be Alert! Scientists warn that something very hard is headed for Uranus
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Some astronomers have taken to pronouncing it, "YER'uh nus" (instead of the traditional pronunciation of, "yer AIN' us") in effort to help stem the tide of ass jokes.
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MrTim
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Update to previous story: Hubble has spotted something coming out of Uranus; Astronomers also seeking to change the name of their profession due to too many 'ass' jokes
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MrTim
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Pestered by werewolves and out of silver bullets? Cryptozoologists say you can easily drive them off with a hard swat to the snout with a rolled up newspaper
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MrTim
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In Entertainment News:
People laughed at Amy Schumer when she said she was going to grow up to become a comedienne; Nobody is laughing now... |
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MrTim
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Due to threat of exinction to polar bears, California to make giving plastic straws a felony; Legislators also moving to decriminalize sucking dick, citing "personal reasons"
(You have to read this one, just to comprehend the reasons behind it) https://legalinsurrection.com/2018/01/california-toys-with-1000-fine-jail-time-for-waiters-who-offer-patrons-plastic-straws/ |
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MrTim
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Apple introducing a new, larger iPad: The new device is called the Flablet and can be used as a scale; It will even use famous comedian voices to heckle you about how fat you are
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MrTim
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Cleveland Indians dropping Indian-with-a-feather Chief Yahoo, replacing him with an Indian-with-a-dot; New replacement mascot to be Jonny Quest's Hadji, with hopes of tapping into lucrative India sports market
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MrTim
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Getting rid of the evidence? Body purportedly hidden in the trunk of Tesla car set to go into space on rocket; Denials setting into motion new 'urban legend'
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