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MrTim
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Antifa protestors electrocuted while tearing down bronze Confederate soldier statue; Police say "Seems they forgot to unplug the anti-pigeon shocker devices, but there you go"
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MrTim
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Jaguars, Ravens, other NFL teams soon to be replaced with cheaper H1B players; Pittsburgh Steelers act like babies, wonder why their team merch sales are drastically dropping
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MrTim
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Rockettes to sue NFL teams over arm linking; "The players can't dance at all, and are giving us professionals a bad name" say dancers
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MrTim
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NFL losing fans and viewers even as the NHL sees a surge in popularity; "Most people are finding that hockey is more exciting, and that the lyrics to O Canada are so easy to remember"
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MrTim
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New Civil War in America is a real and looming thing; Escalating dispute between sides centers around whether mustard should be put on hamburgers, or not
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MrTim
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Survey finds that 79% of people think it would be cool to own a monkey; But, previous owners warn they are terrorizing little sh*ts which enjoy pissing in your shoes and holding your nose closed while you sleep, and worse behavior
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MrTim
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Missing link for genital herpes discovered; Now you can blame your 2 million-years ago Paleolithic "Nutcracker Man" ancestors for your misery
https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/zm3gpa/this-paleolithic-dick-gave-us-genital-herpes
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MrTim
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Going camping? The #1 thing you need to scare off wolves, bears, and Big Foot: A noisy portable hand vacuum cleaner; Experts say to make sure your Dustbuster is fully charged before setting out
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MrTim
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Researchers find that rats have only 3 priorities: Food, sex, and escaping danger; Also discovered, a conflict between which course of action to follow is what usually gets a rat killed
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MrTim
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Cosmetics industry finds way to reduce glut of false eyelashes inventory by creating a new fad: Nose hair extensions can make you the most beautiful person in the room!
(Yes, it's true...) http://metro.co.uk/2017/10/07/nose-hair-extensions-are-the-next-hot-beauty-trend-everyone-needs-to-try-6983493/
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MrTim
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California wine country fires reduce this year's vintage; But, it is expected to sell out due to "it's unique, smoky flavour"
(Because Smoke Contamination)
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MrTim
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Plot for future Tom Hanks airport movie revealed:
http://www.odditycentral.com/news/plastic-surgery-tourists-stuck-in-airport-because-their-passports-dont-match-their-faces.html |
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MrTim
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Pacific islanders miraculously saved; Sea levels fall dramatically after Al Gore leaves water at the beach
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MrTim
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"Fake News" goes legit: Networks now selling air time for fake ads to go with their fake news; Also, TV anchors may be up to 40% fake themselves, due to career-saving plastic surgery
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MrTim
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Playboy to feature transgender Playmate; But, they won't tell you which one it will be
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/19/arts/playboy-playmate-transgender.html?smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur
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MrTim
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^^ What? No "Thanks" for warning you...?
Anyway, on to tonight's headline: Travel guides universally agree: Milwaukee can't be all that bad a place to visit, considering that people choose to live there
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MrTim
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Bid Early & Bid Often! eBay putting itself up for auction on eBay
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MrTim
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Little girls getting racist grief from SJW's for dressing up as Disney's Moana character for Halloween; Most now switching to dress up classy instead, choosing Melania Trump for inspiration
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MrTim
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Russian influence investigation backfiring; The longer the story continues, the clearer it is that the only person in Washington without close ties to the Russians is Trump
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MrTim
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Study finds that people pay more attention to their smart phone than to a baby; Apple pledges to reverse this trend by designing the future iPhone 11 "to sh*t in your hand" if you use it too long; Diaper accessory also to be made available
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MrTim
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Last season for House of Cards on Netflix; Actors on series out looking for work after Spacey opens his yap
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MrTim
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"Fat shaming" becoming a popular pastime in cities around the world; Calls made to ban Coca-Cola Christmas truck from Liverpool "because 30% of our 11-year-olds are fat little fvcks and it's Coca Cola's fault"
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-merseyside-41810436
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MrTim
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Networks not even remembering news they reported weeks ago; Media incensed that Trump suggested death penalty for Truck Jihadist, but had not called for the same in the case of the Las Vegas shooter
https://t.co/qrhnK7CebN
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MrTim
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Didn't get the word: Many fans still lining up for an 8th game of the World Series, more waiting for the game to be televised
also in: Things people can't do today: Anthropologists say very early humans were flexible enough to lick their own privates, much like cats and dogs can
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MrTim
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Breathalyzer test to be required before voting; Election supervisors around country reported upsurge in VWI (Voting While Intoxicated) incidents
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