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MrTim
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Uber rolls out new bicycle ride-sharing program; For an extra fee, you will be allowed to ride on the handlebars
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MrTim
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Sushi gourmets declare that assfish is a delicacy as exquisite as it is rare and expensive; Connoisseurs say to beware of substitutes "which really do taste like ass"
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MrTim
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College students faking their own deaths to escape student loan debt; Most fail, however, because they can't stay away from social media
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MrTim
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Seasonal Global Climate Change occurring again; Indoor dwellers alarmed by bloomy flowers and strange flying animals that chirp
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MrTim
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Man arrested for not returning rented VHS Tom Green movie 14 years ago; Overdue charges are large enough to fund the movie's sequel
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MrTim
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Easter Bunny trampled to death; Parents bum-rush Easter egg hunt, steal candy from and attack children
http://fox6now.com/2016/03/27/it-was-like-locusts-overzealous-adults-ruin-easter-egg-hunt-kids-left-sobbing-with-broken-baskets/ |
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MrTim
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"Running a clean race" takes on a literal meaning: Marathon goes terribly wrong as runners mistake free soap for energy bars
http://moelane.com/2016/03/28/tweet-of-the-day-and-you-thought-you-had-an-unpleasant-surprise-edition/ |
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MrTim
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Due to a "Leap Year" miscalculation, March 31st has been canceled; April 1st will now be moved up to this Friday
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MrTim
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Study says that people who continully point out typoes are in fact 'jerks'; Such people also have apoplectic stroakes when reading Geoffrey Chaucer bookes |
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i8acannibal
Junior Executive Joined: 19 Jun 2014 Location: New Hampshire Status: Offline Points: 3497 |
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Say something clever here...
No, I'm too lazy. Imagine it yourself. |
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MrTim
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Global warming alarmists predicting 6 foot sea rise soon; Panicked parents rushing to have gills implanted in their kids
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MrTim
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ABC announces their latest celebrity reality show, Pole Dancing with the Stars; Christopher Walken to be among the first contestants, audience can also participate by slipping cash into stars' clothing
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MrTim
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The Haunted House in Disneyland Paris may now actually be haunted; Worker's body found, mysterious teeth marks found on nearby croissants http://www.wtsp.com/news/weird/workers-body-found-in-disneyland-paris-haunted-house/119977587 |
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MrTim
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FaceBook declining because people aren't posting enough; Younger generations also dumping it because "FaceBook is for old people"
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i8acannibal
Junior Executive Joined: 19 Jun 2014 Location: New Hampshire Status: Offline Points: 3497 |
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If only that was the start of the social media downfall.... No more selfies, belfies, or any other narcissistic bullsh*t.
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Say something clever here...
No, I'm too lazy. Imagine it yourself. |
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MrTim
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It's the start of the fall of FaceBook, anyway (I've never bothered to get an account on it.) Apparently the less posting is cutting into their revenue because the bots can't mine it to target ads: http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2016-04-07/facebook-said-to-face-decline-in-people-posting-personal-content |
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MrTim
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Study shows that there is now a minimal chance of developing brain cancer from cell phone radiation; However, today's cell phones are much more powerful and can cause your head to instantly explode like a popcorn kernal
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MrTim
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Could your cat's poop be making you homicidal? We'll give you the answer, right after this quick commercial break!
http://news.health.com/2016/03/24/could-germ-from-cat-poop-trigger-rage-disorder-in-people/ |
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MrTim
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DePaul University bans chalk, because it could be used to write "Trump 2016" on the sidewalk; Students now perplexed because Profs can't write on chalkboards anymore |
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MrTim
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Colleges and universities feeling overwhelmed by whining, tantrum-throwing crybabies; Many considering hiring The Nanny to discipline some common sense into their students
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Police in downtown Juneau searching for madman who's habitually clogging bar toilets with large wads of paper towels. He's being dubbed, "Docta Clogga."
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MrTim
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Interrogators say waterboarding is out; Sleep deprivation and being forced to watch Adam Sandler films "is much more effective"
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MrTim
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Pro golfers getting ticked off at new trend among spectators: One-third pay to come to event, but then spend their time looking at cell phones instead of live action
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MrTim
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Unknowing Millenials being fooled by CD's and downloads of 'tape hiss' ; Most believe they are buying New Age music or background noise for meditation
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MrTim
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Curt Schilling fired from ESPN for "unacceptable conduct"; ESPN to start advertising tampons in bid to "get in touch with our new, more feminine, side" |
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