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MrTim
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Paul Revere arrested for early AM multiple jurisdiction 'disturbing the peace' spree; Was yelling "The new phone books are coming!!! The new phone books are coming!!!" |
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Tiz
Revolutionary I donated! Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: Virginia Status: Offline Points: 15588 |
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In Hollywood News: MGM Studios was overwhelmed yesterday with the number of actors wanting the part of Tarzan in the upcoming movie remake.
Casting officials say they should have been more specific than "most be able to swing" in the job description.
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MrTim
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Tri-State serial animal molestor finally captured; Whoopi Goldberg opines "It's not like it was rape-rape"
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MrTim
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Spain wins World Cup, sparking nationwide celebrations; Baby boom expected in 9 months
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MrTim
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In cost cutting measure, NBC to outsource production of all of their prime time shows; Will use The Simpson's actors to dub in the voices after buying out that FOX program
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MrTim
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Roman Polanski freed by Swiss, runs for border; Mexico says "We'll treat him the same as any other illegal immigrant entering our country"
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Tiz
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In what looks like, a slap in Subway's face, Hardees announces their new 5 dollar footlong. Hardees' officials say this is a 5 dollar footlong hamburger and not a sub.
Phone calls to Subway went unanswered.
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MrTim
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False alarm: It was NOT a chupacabra; Shaved, starving poodle panics day care full of kids
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MrTim
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New body sculpting craze sweeping Hollywood; Botox is out, flesh-eating bacteria in
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Tiz
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After 2 months of lackluster attempts to stop the oil gusher, BP announced today that the as seen on TV product Mighty Mend It really does work. Post cleanup work will employ ShamWow.
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MrTim
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Potheads hospitalized after being trapped in garden maze; Tried to smoke their way out, discovered they don't like poison ivy
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MrTim
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Congressional spending in action: Smile! "Dental Floss for Fish" program will only cost you $10.3 million this year
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MrTim
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PETA suing NCBI, biological science, over Taxonomy nomenclature; Claims placing all living things into differing classes is "discriminatory and a hate crime, and does not promote equality"
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MrTim
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Shocking evolutionary discovery! After having examined hundreds of specimens, researchers confirm that politicians do indeed form vocal cords in their colons, and some even become quite adept at using them
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Tiz
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Playboy magazine announces their new office friendly website hoping "raises" don't dwindle.
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MrTim
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All U.S. National Forests to be cut down to make paper; Billions of 1099 forms will be needed in 2012 alone when new Health Care laws take effect
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Ad nauseous
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15 car pileup occurred with no injures reported the cause: a mad woman reported to be car surfing after a DQ truck screaming "I want the treats! I want the treats!" now recovering in hospital.
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One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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MrTim
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Monongahela River runs yellow after explosion at rubber ducky factory; No injuries reported, but navigation blocked due to sheer amount of floating squeaky toys
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MrTim
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Pickles the Chimp received slap on wrist from judge for stealing transit bus, now in jail for ripping off judge's arm; Owner says "He doesn't like to be touched"
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MrTim
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Cheap knockoffs suddenly flooding world economy; Chinese iPhoney is outselling legit Apple product
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MrTim
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World Health Organisation medical study concludes that, based on measurements of 1.5 billion people, your left leg is on average 1.3mm longer than your right leg; Other researchers disagree however, saying that it is actually the right leg which is the shorter
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Tiz
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The Vuvuzelas by Tommy and the TuteTones breaks into the Top 40. Sales of flyswatters are at a record high also.
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MrTim
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DHS touts success of latest training program; "100% of our agents are terrorist certified" says spokesman
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Ad nauseous
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THIS JUST IN YMCA changes to "The Y" in response Burger King thinks about changing to "The King", Best Buy considering changing to "The Buy", McDonald's about to change to "The Donald" ALSO THIS JUST IN Donald Trump ready to sue McDonald's for taking his name.
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One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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MrTim
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South American glacier melts away; Local residents requesting worldwide donation of ice machines to alleviate their lack of cold drinks
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