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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jul 2010 at 11:13pm

Paul Revere arrested for early AM multiple jurisdiction 'disturbing the peace' spree;  Was yelling "The new phone books are coming!!! The new phone books are coming!!!"

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jul 2010 at 9:45pm
In Hollywood News: MGM Studios  was overwhelmed yesterday with the number of actors wanting the part of Tarzan in the upcoming movie remake.
Casting officials say they should have been more specific than "most be able to swing" in the job description.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jul 2010 at 11:40pm
Tri-State serial animal molestor finally captured;  Whoopi Goldberg opines  "It's not like it was rape-rape"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Jul 2010 at 11:12pm
Spain wins World Cup, sparking nationwide celebrations;  Baby boom expected in 9 months
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2010 at 11:30pm
In cost cutting measure, NBC to outsource production of all of their prime time shows; Will use The Simpson's actors to dub in the voices after buying out that FOX program
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2010 at 11:14pm
Roman Polanski freed by Swiss, runs for border;  Mexico says "We'll treat him the same as any other illegal immigrant entering our country"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jul 2010 at 12:12am
In what looks like, a slap in Subway's face, Hardees announces their new 5 dollar footlong.  Hardees' officials say this is a 5 dollar footlong hamburger and not a sub.
Phone calls to Subway went unanswered.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jul 2010 at 11:27pm
False alarm:  It was NOT a chupacabra;  Shaved, starving poodle panics day care full of kids
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jul 2010 at 11:28pm
New body sculpting craze sweeping Hollywood;  Botox is out, flesh-eating bacteria in
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Jul 2010 at 8:46pm
After 2 months of lackluster attempts to stop the oil gusher, BP announced today that the as seen on TV product Mighty Mend It really does work. Post cleanup work will employ ShamWow. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Jul 2010 at 11:26pm
Potheads hospitalized after being trapped in garden maze;  Tried to smoke their way out, discovered they don't like poison ivy
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jul 2010 at 11:18pm
Congressional spending in action:  Smile!  "Dental Floss for Fish" program will only cost you $10.3 million this year
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jul 2010 at 11:17pm
PETA suing NCBI, biological science, over Taxonomy nomenclature;  Claims placing all living things into differing classes is "discriminatory and a hate crime, and does not promote equality"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Jul 2010 at 11:28pm
Shocking evolutionary discovery!  After having examined hundreds of specimens, researchers confirm that politicians do indeed form vocal cords in their colons, and some even become quite adept at using them
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2010 at 8:44pm
Playboy magazine announces their new office friendly website hoping "raises" don't dwindle.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2010 at 11:14pm
All U.S. National Forests to be cut down to make paper;  Billions of 1099 forms will be needed in 2012 alone when new Health Care laws take effect
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2010 at 1:50am
15 car pileup occurred with no injures reported the cause: a mad woman reported to be car surfing after a DQ truck screaming "I want the treats! I want the treats!" now recovering in hospital.
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2010 at 11:06pm
Monongahela River runs yellow after explosion at rubber ducky factory;  No injuries reported, but navigation blocked due to sheer amount of floating squeaky toys
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jul 2010 at 11:12pm
Pickles the Chimp received slap on wrist from judge for stealing transit bus, now in jail for ripping off judge's arm;  Owner says "He doesn't like to be touched"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2010 at 11:14pm
Cheap knockoffs suddenly flooding world economy;  Chinese iPhoney is outselling legit Apple product
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jul 2010 at 11:25pm
World Health Organisation medical study concludes that, based on measurements of 1.5 billion people, your left leg is on average 1.3mm longer than your right leg;  Other researchers disagree however, saying that it is actually the right leg which is the shorter
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jul 2010 at 12:21am
The Vuvuzelas by Tommy and the TuteTones breaks into the Top 40. Sales of flyswatters are at a record high also. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jul 2010 at 12:08am
DHS touts success of latest training program;  "100% of our agents are terrorist certified" says spokesman
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jul 2010 at 2:53am
THIS JUST IN YMCA changes to "The Y" in response Burger King thinks about changing to "The King", Best Buy considering changing to "The Buy", McDonald's about to change to "The Donald" ALSO THIS JUST IN Donald Trump ready to sue McDonald's for taking his name. 
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jul 2010 at 11:17pm
South American glacier melts away;  Local residents requesting worldwide donation of ice machines to alleviate their lack of cold drinks
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