"...No Santa, NOOO!" / Bad XMAS Gifts |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Posted: 18 Dec 2017 at 2:11am |
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...and you thought for certain you knew how to be a GOOD Santa.
No worries! Paw's here to SAAAAVE you from your very own bad ol'decisions with 'things NOT to give as gifts'. How could or would *I* know what's bad for you, much less what's good? Experience, dear minion - lots of experience and pain. Then again - YOU may have some 'experiences & pains' that we all can learn from, so post your suggestions, too. Fruit Cake. This crap should have died a horrible death long before your Great Grandmother was born, but it hid in the back of old grocers' shelves and refused to mold, only to re-appear during the holiday season.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Sometimes one will make choices to ensure 'mutual feelings' exist.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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I LOVE fruitcake!!!!
Especially with coffee!!! If I got a bunch of fruitcake as a present, I would be happy with it!!! |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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Now this on the other hand....
...would be a crappy gift. |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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The Missus called those 'Jail Chips' because inmates could purchase them in the prison canteen, but not cook them. They would carefully smash the noodles to small pieces, then open one end of the bag, remove the 'flavor' pouch, open and pour back in, hold the bag closed and SHAKE! I found I could have been a model inmate - I fell deeply in love with Jail Chips - especially if I had some hot sauce to sprinkle in before shaking. Then the AfgyLad came home from war and immediately told me to STOP eating this stuff - he got to see some of the places where and how it was made. He says at LEAST WASH THE NOODLES IN WATER a few times to get all the animal & human urine and feces out of it...but sometimes I forget. Got three packages for a dollar earlier this evening. I remember when I used to get 6 for a dollar. And I still remember barfing fruitcake when I was something like 4 or 5 years old - just typing this I have bile coming up under my tongue and the very taste at the top of my esophagus...I'm about to puke a tiny bit in the back of my mouth...
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Paw XMAS gift tip of the day:
Never give cigarettes or toothpaste unless the person is in prison.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Here's a SERIOUS one, folks. 'Slackers Slackline'. Seems the lawyers are all asking Santa for new briefcases to hold all the wrongful death and serious injury cases to sprout by spring...yet, to tell you the truth? I LOVE this thing and would sensibly set one up in the back yard, if I had any more spermmistakes....
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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My mom used to buy my bil and me each a couple of cartons of smokes for Christmas every year. I had to get her to stop getting them for me because my smoking dropped off to the point where I wasn't smoking two carton's a year. For awhile there, I had about four or five carton's of cigs in the bottom drawer of my refrigerator. Ended up selling a couple of them to a friend. Still have half a carton of unopened packs that have been in there for well over a decade. Will I smoke them someday? I might. |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Donathan
Junior Executive Joined: 19 Sep 2010 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 4073 |
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Actually, Panettone is a sort of fruit cake(Except it looks and tastes like a big muffin) and it is VERY popular in the Hispanic/ Latin community. The chocolate version is aptly named, "Chocottone," ;) My Walgreen's customers LOVE it. I sell loads of them in the holiday season and on the boxes themselves they have fans gushing about Panettone saying stuff like,"It's like a delicious big muffin! "Heaven with coffee!" Milk's best friend! (Actually, Oreo also claims something like Oreo is milk's best friend too, ;) Is milk a best friend fiend? ;) Also, my customers have said that Panettone is meant to be eaten with milk, so the fan who said ,"Milk's best friend! " Is spot on. :) |
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My name is Donathan, pronounced the same way you pronounce Jonathan, except with a D.😀 Hitting on a Lesbian who speaks to you and about you like trash means you're REALLY desperate! 😀
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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I think I once ate too much fruitcake while drinking a 7-11 grape slurpee...seems I went on a puking frenzy.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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In Germany, at Christmas they eat something similar, called "Stollen" (pronounced shtullen). It's more like a cross between a cake and a bread, with dried fruit pieces baked into it and glazed with fine, powdered confectionery sugar. It comes in a couple of different styles, like cherry, butter and marzipan. I don't particularly like marzipan, but the cherry and butter kind are really good with coffee. They sell it at Aldi's every Christmas season. |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Yum.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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i8acannibal
Junior Executive Joined: 19 Jun 2014 Location: New Hampshire Status: Offline Points: 3497 |
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I love fruitcake! I guess that's because I am strange. Either way, if anyone here wants to send non drugged fruitcake to me, I'll give you my po box. Hell, some of you I'll give my home address... I never get fruitcake. I get gift cards to local restaurants.
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Say something clever here...
No, I'm too lazy. Imagine it yourself. |
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aka ron
Honor Roll Joined: 11 Apr 2009 Location: WI Status: Offline Points: 33539 |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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I would love to have one of those if my cupboard wasn't already overcrowded with glasses and mugs. I usually drink my coffee out of one of these... |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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ol'Mule? Did you get those from the Tizzer himself? If he sees that post, maybe we will hear from him again.
I also have BOXES of coffee mugs - I have so many I can cover entire walls with them. The Missus tried to get me to 'Just Say No', but I'm SO WEAK! However, with 8 million mugs (maybe a few less) and growing, I really only use ONE:
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Thor
Revolutionary Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Location: Rockaway, NJ Status: Online Points: 63905 |
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I once donated half a goat to an African village in my sister-in-law's name. That was her Christmas gift. I think she got some kind of embossed certificate for it.
Worst gift ever. |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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I just could not stop and take the picture or I would have trashed the Wolfy-iM....but I'll TRY and 'paint the picture'...
Driving along the edge of The Swamp, one may encounter any number of home-made XMAS gifts and ideas being hawked on the side of many roads. There are all kinds of people around here and most folk wouldn't want to know 75% of them. Heck, *I* don't want to know 90% of these folks! Sitting along the side of the road was a broken-down, early '70's Ford station wagon. Hand-painted banner - all XMASy and what not. 'Christmas Oysters - FRESH!' SantaWolf skipped the milk and puked on the side of the road....
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Jimbo
Honor Roll Joined: 19 Apr 2008 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 56959 |
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Oysters are not something one should buy out of a car from a stranger on the side of the road. Not if eating them is part of the plan, anyway. |
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...the ads take aim and lay their claim to the heart and the soul of the spender
Jackson Browne - The Pretender C'mon, man! Joe Biden - 46th President of the United States |
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Who the heck would want SWAMP OYSTERS out of the back of some ol' broken down station wagon? Crack 'em open and see red & green?! Handled by some ol' boy who probably has toes that need a suckin' by someone who has a choice between toeclamjam or 2 years in jail....
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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Thor
Revolutionary Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Location: Rockaway, NJ Status: Online Points: 63905 |
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