D-I-N-O-V-I-T-E . com (die)

Well stated, although I must add that the mid-western (I'll guess Chicago) whiny, "twang" of hers is irksome enough on its own; it puts me over the edge every time I hear this fake phone testimonial.   My ears bleed when I hear this know-it-all tell us all how good it is. This false character needs a theoretical bullet, and I've blissfully visualized a vengeful, but appropriate narrative of my own.  It involves a platoon of Schmeisser-armed Gestapo troops led by a Black-leather coated Oberleutnant, imported through a time warp.  They are told of her horrendous acts and given a tip on her exact whereabouts in the South-Side.  Aside from their own motivations to see her head roll, they are paid handsomely, in advance.  The re-purposed Gestapo pay a visit as she constantly yaks of Dinovite on the rotary phone, smoking a Camel non filter, and eating a breakfast of melba toast, Chock Full of Nuts coffee, and amphetamines.  In the fake phones' background, the sound of an old truck is heard pulling up to her building, screeching to a stop. There is a Shouting in guttural tones, Hobnailed boots hitting the street and running, then entering the building. After stomping up the stairs, Rifle butts begin pounding the door, a screaming Oberleutnant demands an entrance. Suddenly, the tinkling of glass-breaking is heard as grenades crash through a window, rolling on the floor next to the table. A wooden door shattering as it is kicked open. The whiny voice, reciting the product as happily as any other day, suddenly stops in mid-spelling of "D.I.N.O..." amidst the deafening explosions and chugging of machine pistols. The shooting stops momentarily, then the silence is interrupted by the sharp report of a pistol administering the coup de grace. A shell casing clinks on the floor after being ejected from the Oberleutnants' Luger . The body is then unceremoniously thrown out the window to the street.....After Action investigations determine she hasn't left the tenement building since 1950;  but stayed there, consuming Dinovite for herself only, drinking vodka, coffee, and watching Arthur Godfrey.